Our story started when we were young
the sinopsis is too long and I couldn't really remember...
when was the day I first seen you?
when was the day we talk for the first time?
I couldn't remember...
Sorry for I'm forgetful...
just like the day when you first know me.
The climax came in while no one believe we will.
Everything different since that day you hold my hand
The story was too real and I can't differentiate what was real and what was fake
Is it fairy tales? Is it a happy forever after story?
I confused.
Perhaps I know too well before
Perhaps I know too less
Perhaps I shouldn't step into your life
Perhaps you shouldn't entertain me from the beginning
Perhaps you should knew you know me the best
Perhaps you should put more confident on me
You know I love you, you know I do...
The story's ending came in a sudden
while I am not ready for anything
you said you won't dump me..but now you say sorry for that.
you're not sorry...no...
Friday, December 31, 2010
31。12之 心情日记
这是今年的最后一篇心情日记了，明年将会把自己搬出城市，毕竟长大了，不能再继续帮两个辫子当小小村姑了。
今天大家都不在家，妈妈去找我的新加坡阿姨了。真的超羡慕她们两姊妹，那么多年姊妹，即使分开那么远感情还那么好。真的希望我身边也有一个那样的人，希望我跟章鱼也能这样！她们那么久没见，一定有好多东西谈的，所以这次还是不要当跟尾狗好了。弟弟去上班了，要很晚才回家。
一个人在家真无聊！少了王子在身边，电话完全不会响咯！几可怜一下，大家都去庆祝，我却一个人孤零零在家~~ 不过至少有一样可贺的事，就是宙斯今天完全没有打来哦！是不是可喜可贺呢？哈哈哈~
傍晚因为实在太无聊了所以打给章鱼。我跟她讲了很多，毕竟上课就是上课，加上考试就到了，很少再讲起大家的事（其实是她听我讲比较多啦！）她说了很多关于她的看法，我也告诉她我的难处。其实我现在真的不想抢回什么，我不会抢，这是大家都知道的，我每次都给其他人抢掉属于我的东西的，现在的我只是想做好自己，证明给大家看，也给王子看，我真的有很努力逃出来，这是章鱼、大白鲨等人都知道的！大家都看到的！为什么就是王子看不到？我很想证明给他看我就是一开始他认识的我，一开始他喜欢的我，本来就是那种不爱给别人麻烦，不爱害别人的人！希望他有一天可以明白我的苦衷，可以明白我这样做是为大家好，可以明白我依然是信得过的。
二零一零年，对我来说不是一个好年，是espresso，很苦，却很香。今年不容易过，却让我学到很多东西。不过今年真的有很多遗憾，遗憾是没能完成去年的愿望，没能留着自己很爱的人，没能让他信任自己，没能留住自己的好朋友，没能当个好女儿，没能让家人开心... 今年也得罪很多人，我在这里很诚恳地和大家说声对不起，真的很对不起。
今年我学到一样东西，是一个主内姐妹为我祷告后所说的。她说，上帝是很奇妙的，他有时会把一些缺陷放在一个人的生命里，让人谦卑自己跟从他。上帝有他的旨意在每个人身上，要警醒祷告，要依靠上帝的力量，不要只靠自己的力量。
二零一一年，我希望自己能跟多明白上帝的真理，更多明白上帝的爱。愿上帝以爱充满这个世界，以喜乐感染这个世界。愿上帝带领我走每一步，引领我走他的道路。愿上帝保守我，不让我遇见试探，救我脱离凶恶。愿上帝保守和赐福！
今天大家都不在家，妈妈去找我的新加坡阿姨了。真的超羡慕她们两姊妹，那么多年姊妹，即使分开那么远感情还那么好。真的希望我身边也有一个那样的人，希望我跟章鱼也能这样！她们那么久没见，一定有好多东西谈的，所以这次还是不要当跟尾狗好了。弟弟去上班了，要很晚才回家。
一个人在家真无聊！少了王子在身边，电话完全不会响咯！几可怜一下，大家都去庆祝，我却一个人孤零零在家~~ 不过至少有一样可贺的事，就是宙斯今天完全没有打来哦！是不是可喜可贺呢？哈哈哈~
傍晚因为实在太无聊了所以打给章鱼。我跟她讲了很多，毕竟上课就是上课，加上考试就到了，很少再讲起大家的事（其实是她听我讲比较多啦！）她说了很多关于她的看法，我也告诉她我的难处。其实我现在真的不想抢回什么，我不会抢，这是大家都知道的，我每次都给其他人抢掉属于我的东西的，现在的我只是想做好自己，证明给大家看，也给王子看，我真的有很努力逃出来，这是章鱼、大白鲨等人都知道的！大家都看到的！为什么就是王子看不到？我很想证明给他看我就是一开始他认识的我，一开始他喜欢的我，本来就是那种不爱给别人麻烦，不爱害别人的人！希望他有一天可以明白我的苦衷，可以明白我这样做是为大家好，可以明白我依然是信得过的。
二零一零年，对我来说不是一个好年，是espresso，很苦，却很香。今年不容易过，却让我学到很多东西。不过今年真的有很多遗憾，遗憾是没能完成去年的愿望，没能留着自己很爱的人，没能让他信任自己，没能留住自己的好朋友，没能当个好女儿，没能让家人开心... 今年也得罪很多人，我在这里很诚恳地和大家说声对不起，真的很对不起。
今年我学到一样东西，是一个主内姐妹为我祷告后所说的。她说，上帝是很奇妙的，他有时会把一些缺陷放在一个人的生命里，让人谦卑自己跟从他。上帝有他的旨意在每个人身上，要警醒祷告，要依靠上帝的力量，不要只靠自己的力量。
二零一一年，我希望自己能跟多明白上帝的真理，更多明白上帝的爱。愿上帝以爱充满这个世界，以喜乐感染这个世界。愿上帝带领我走每一步，引领我走他的道路。愿上帝保守我，不让我遇见试探，救我脱离凶恶。愿上帝保守和赐福！
Thursday, December 30, 2010
30。12之 心情日记
这几天心情起伏很厉害，有时都不知道要用怎样的心情写上来部落格，也不知道还该不该写部落格。这是我唯一抒发心情的地方，为什么成了别人拿来摇摆我的地方呢？我写什么，写谁，是我的事。不要老是问我为什么写他为什么不写我等话语，拜托读者们尊重我一下，谢谢。
这几天家里的情况不太好，妈妈常常偷偷哭，弟弟常常往外跑。不知道几时他们才可以好起来，家可以像个家。明天是个假期，却没有人的空在家，这种感觉很不好受。妈妈又弄到手了... 上帝啊！你要保守我的家，我的家人，不叫我们遇见试探，就我们脱离凶恶！让我们一家人更爱主，也彼此相爱。
昨晚终于去了第一广场，不过那里的圣诞装饰已经拆了，结果扑了个空。妈妈的心情很差，连看衣服的心情都没了。咳~我要怎才能把妈妈变回以往那么开朗呢？
今天见过戴安娜，想麻烦她替我把礼物拿给王子。妈妈和章鱼都说我有偏心，这份礼物包得特别漂亮，我和弟弟都觉得普通，可能弟弟看过我包的更美的礼物吧，我本来就很喜欢做手工艺品，包礼物这种小事难得了我吗！哈哈哈~ 戴安娜说她希望我自己拿给他，不过我真的不想这样。一来是我看到这份礼物会想哭，二者是因为他看到我时他会不开心的，而且他说了我不再是他的朋友不是吗？我比很多人都清楚他，他不仅是生气我，他甚至对我失望透顶了，他相信我会选他的，他相信我不会被影响的，他相信我会坚固的，不过对他来说我没有。我真的希望有一天他能够明白我这样做是为了保护大家，是为了大家好。我真的没有路可以走了你知道吗？你知道我每一天都很难走你知道吗？执子之手，与子偕老，你记得这句话吗？你记得我们的暗号吗？你记得我们的5021312吗？当时你还问我为什么不是1314。这句话从来没有变，就是1312的。我没有动摇！我真的没有不坚固！明明说好不写他的，明明知道自己每次想起他都会哭的，就是还是他，而且还写的特别多。事后我挺担心戴安娜的，希望她安好。
今天去学校其实很浪费时间，就是为了拍照。一直拍照其实挺无聊的，章鱼一直在骂早知道就去赚那五十块就好了！对啊！早知道就这样好了！不过还好我们最后去了双威广场玩，好喜欢今天的‘旅途’！今天有买到一件自己喜欢好久好久了的衣服，终于买到它了！我这一阵子只喜欢过两件上衣，一间班长买了一样的所以被逼放弃（今天其实也有看到它，逼自己放弃的时候真的很痛苦。我一向来不喜欢跟人撞杉的，不能买！），这一件又便宜又漂亮又独特（不像金河广场那种中国货的那种）的衣服我绝对不能错过！加上那间店的袋子超可爱！而且我听说这间店通常要在比较高级的地方才看到的，我上次看到是在tropicana一带，靠近segi college的。我是觉得它的衣服还不错啦，而且价钱廉宜。那间店叫F Block。
最近的衣服都大起价，妈妈还要减我买过年衣服的钱，真的几可怜一下，不过没办法啦！明年家里开支会变大，家里的入息又少了，弟弟又不听话，唯有偷偷买给自己咯！原本还想买一件短裙给自己，还是把钱留起来买长裤和鞋子好了... 呜呜呜~~
今天巴士超少，回到家都差不多是十点了。超累的！不过今天算是有收获啦！今天还有一样好事发生，就是我脸上那个给红蚂蚁咬到的地方终于有消肿的迹象了！哈哈哈~不用看医生了！
这几天家里的情况不太好，妈妈常常偷偷哭，弟弟常常往外跑。不知道几时他们才可以好起来，家可以像个家。明天是个假期，却没有人的空在家，这种感觉很不好受。妈妈又弄到手了... 上帝啊！你要保守我的家，我的家人，不叫我们遇见试探，就我们脱离凶恶！让我们一家人更爱主，也彼此相爱。
昨晚终于去了第一广场，不过那里的圣诞装饰已经拆了，结果扑了个空。妈妈的心情很差，连看衣服的心情都没了。咳~我要怎才能把妈妈变回以往那么开朗呢？
今天见过戴安娜，想麻烦她替我把礼物拿给王子。妈妈和章鱼都说我有偏心，这份礼物包得特别漂亮，我和弟弟都觉得普通，可能弟弟看过我包的更美的礼物吧，我本来就很喜欢做手工艺品，包礼物这种小事难得了我吗！哈哈哈~ 戴安娜说她希望我自己拿给他，不过我真的不想这样。一来是我看到这份礼物会想哭，二者是因为他看到我时他会不开心的，而且他说了我不再是他的朋友不是吗？我比很多人都清楚他，他不仅是生气我，他甚至对我失望透顶了，他相信我会选他的，他相信我不会被影响的，他相信我会坚固的，不过对他来说我没有。我真的希望有一天他能够明白我这样做是为了保护大家，是为了大家好。我真的没有路可以走了你知道吗？你知道我每一天都很难走你知道吗？执子之手，与子偕老，你记得这句话吗？你记得我们的暗号吗？你记得我们的5021312吗？当时你还问我为什么不是1314。这句话从来没有变，就是1312的。我没有动摇！我真的没有不坚固！明明说好不写他的，明明知道自己每次想起他都会哭的，就是还是他，而且还写的特别多。事后我挺担心戴安娜的，希望她安好。
今天去学校其实很浪费时间，就是为了拍照。一直拍照其实挺无聊的，章鱼一直在骂早知道就去赚那五十块就好了！对啊！早知道就这样好了！不过还好我们最后去了双威广场玩，好喜欢今天的‘旅途’！今天有买到一件自己喜欢好久好久了的衣服，终于买到它了！我这一阵子只喜欢过两件上衣，一间班长买了一样的所以被逼放弃（今天其实也有看到它，逼自己放弃的时候真的很痛苦。我一向来不喜欢跟人撞杉的，不能买！），这一件又便宜又漂亮又独特（不像金河广场那种中国货的那种）的衣服我绝对不能错过！加上那间店的袋子超可爱！而且我听说这间店通常要在比较高级的地方才看到的，我上次看到是在tropicana一带，靠近segi college的。我是觉得它的衣服还不错啦，而且价钱廉宜。那间店叫F Block。
最近的衣服都大起价，妈妈还要减我买过年衣服的钱，真的几可怜一下，不过没办法啦！明年家里开支会变大，家里的入息又少了，弟弟又不听话，唯有偷偷买给自己咯！原本还想买一件短裙给自己，还是把钱留起来买长裤和鞋子好了... 呜呜呜~~
今天巴士超少，回到家都差不多是十点了。超累的！不过今天算是有收获啦！今天还有一样好事发生，就是我脸上那个给红蚂蚁咬到的地方终于有消肿的迹象了！哈哈哈~不用看医生了！
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
28。12之 心情日记
妈妈跟弟弟每天都吵架，终于我昨晚忍不住骂人了。三更半夜两个人在楼梯口吵架，我再不骂人等下就有邻居报警了啦！这次是我第一次向第弟弟狠话，其实我事后很心痛，毕竟我真的很疼我弟弟，不过我真的看不顺眼他动不动就大大声骂人。上帝说应当孝敬父母，他这种行为是不对的。我真的很担心我去的时候英国他们会怎样。
事后弟弟打电话叫爸爸接他走。我想弟弟对我很失望，毕竟我从来不曾放狠话，而且我这次还说他要去那里睡不关我们的事，叫他走。家里弟弟一向最疼得人是我，我这次居然叫他走。
妈妈哭了整晚，其实她很辛苦的。明年家里的开支会更大了，入息却少了。家里问题一直出现，天天不停吵架，而我却什么都帮不上忙。妈妈还要烦外公的事，外公开始有些不对劲了，整个人都变了，叫他不准吃鸭子，花生等对他身体不好的食物，他就偏要吃，而且他的记忆有点退化了，上个月回怡保大家才提我庆祝了二十一岁生日，这次回去他居然问我PMR考试考得怎样！弟弟也没过得很好，明年中五了，大家都不放任何希望在他身上，其实他很厉害的，只是对家太失望了，所以都不读书，我记得小学时候他成绩很好，他常常拿第一名，比赛常常拿奖，不过现在...
我很没用对吗？我要怎样才能让这个家恢复家的样子呢？愿上帝保守我一家，愿上帝以爱充满我的家！
事后弟弟打电话叫爸爸接他走。我想弟弟对我很失望，毕竟我从来不曾放狠话，而且我这次还说他要去那里睡不关我们的事，叫他走。家里弟弟一向最疼得人是我，我这次居然叫他走。
妈妈哭了整晚，其实她很辛苦的。明年家里的开支会更大了，入息却少了。家里问题一直出现，天天不停吵架，而我却什么都帮不上忙。妈妈还要烦外公的事，外公开始有些不对劲了，整个人都变了，叫他不准吃鸭子，花生等对他身体不好的食物，他就偏要吃，而且他的记忆有点退化了，上个月回怡保大家才提我庆祝了二十一岁生日，这次回去他居然问我PMR考试考得怎样！弟弟也没过得很好，明年中五了，大家都不放任何希望在他身上，其实他很厉害的，只是对家太失望了，所以都不读书，我记得小学时候他成绩很好，他常常拿第一名，比赛常常拿奖，不过现在...
我很没用对吗？我要怎样才能让这个家恢复家的样子呢？愿上帝保守我一家，愿上帝以爱充满我的家！
Saturday, December 25, 2010
25.12 daPrawn's Cottage- Christmas, family!
Today is a special day for everyone. 2010 years ago, God send his only son, Jesus Christ to the earth to save the lost souls so that the blind will see and the lost will found.
Thanks God for this special Christmas, Christmas without caroling, without church, without Christmas trees, without Christmas songs, without pastors, without shopping.. And all about Family! Although it's abit boring, but it's much relaxing compared to all the Christmas I had.
I received God as my personal savior while I was form 2. If you know me well before that, you should know how much I had changed. From a witch, to a christian.. From someone that expert to horoscope and all kinds of fortune telling stuff to a Christian. That time a leader told me: if you want to know about the future, ask the God and He shall show you. The future is on God's hand. I told the God, I wanna see my future. God show me every single thing I ask, perhaps sometime the timing isn't that correct but it's the best time in God's eyes.
This year, I had my Christmas with my family in Ipoh. It's new for me as I usually spend my Christmas in church. My grandpa was so happy today, we brought him go eat kfc today. Actually it's abit impolite..he sell chicken and we brought him to chicken. But he was still happy with everythig there. It's the first time he had fast food, my aunt said. We had a great time there. I guess this is the happiest time he had in Tesco, he hate Tesco actually.
I like to watch stars whenever I come back. Today's weather was great and the stars are bright. Today there are plenty stars in the sky, I like the feeling when lying there and watching on the stars, like sharing my feeling with the stars. One of the stars were very much brighter than others, but I believe it's incomparable with the star appeared on 2010 years ago that guide the people to see Jesus Christ.
After that we had some wine. The wine was great! Thanks Auntie Jamie and Uncle Moses for the wine. Thanks everyone for the precious moment too!
Thanks God for this special Christmas, Christmas without caroling, without church, without Christmas trees, without Christmas songs, without pastors, without shopping.. And all about Family! Although it's abit boring, but it's much relaxing compared to all the Christmas I had.
I received God as my personal savior while I was form 2. If you know me well before that, you should know how much I had changed. From a witch, to a christian.. From someone that expert to horoscope and all kinds of fortune telling stuff to a Christian. That time a leader told me: if you want to know about the future, ask the God and He shall show you. The future is on God's hand. I told the God, I wanna see my future. God show me every single thing I ask, perhaps sometime the timing isn't that correct but it's the best time in God's eyes.
This year, I had my Christmas with my family in Ipoh. It's new for me as I usually spend my Christmas in church. My grandpa was so happy today, we brought him go eat kfc today. Actually it's abit impolite..he sell chicken and we brought him to chicken. But he was still happy with everythig there. It's the first time he had fast food, my aunt said. We had a great time there. I guess this is the happiest time he had in Tesco, he hate Tesco actually.
I like to watch stars whenever I come back. Today's weather was great and the stars are bright. Today there are plenty stars in the sky, I like the feeling when lying there and watching on the stars, like sharing my feeling with the stars. One of the stars were very much brighter than others, but I believe it's incomparable with the star appeared on 2010 years ago that guide the people to see Jesus Christ.
After that we had some wine. The wine was great! Thanks Auntie Jamie and Uncle Moses for the wine. Thanks everyone for the precious moment too!
Friday, December 24, 2010
24.12 daPrawn's cottage
Thanks God for the Christmas eve! Thanks God for watching over me in this whole year. Although a lot of thing doesn't go smoothly, yet I know I have God.
This year was meaningful for me, I learned the importance of family. Family is not just about the blood you carry, but it's about loving and forgiving each other so that we can live together. This is my first year where I celebrate birthday and Christmas that celebrate with my grandpa. I love my grandpa alot. Hope one day later he will believe in God. God bless my family.
This year I lost 2 friends. The first one is Senior, he refuse to continue become friends after the break up. The second one is Prince, I really wish he can forgive me but it seems so hard, quite upset as he wasn't only my ex boyfriend but also my best friend, he know me the most although he started to doubt how much he knows about me. Quite sad when he tells me our friendship ends here..we know each other for 7 years, how can we simply ends our friendship? But I hope one day later he'd understand everything I did was for our good and I really appreciate him as a friend. May God bless our friendship.
Thanks God for I get back my joy in this christmas. I really feel very happy with my life now, at least for now I don't have any stress. Although it seems quite risky for many people but please... That's my choice, my respect my choice. I may be forgetful and abit blurcase, but I know what I am doing. I am clear with wha I am doing. I still think alot before I do something. Please trust my decision!
The second thing I found back was the watch! Hahaha~ it is on my bed! Yesterday I was so upset and keep telling myself what has gone it's gone. I guess most people also know actually that watch was for Prince, but after the break up, he didn't take it..haiz..I hope one day later we can still become good friends like what we was..arrg..headache!
Lastly, I need to point out what I may need in uk...mask, laptop cooler, mouse, jeans...what else?? Arrg..someone please giv me a list of things needed pls~~
This year was meaningful for me, I learned the importance of family. Family is not just about the blood you carry, but it's about loving and forgiving each other so that we can live together. This is my first year where I celebrate birthday and Christmas that celebrate with my grandpa. I love my grandpa alot. Hope one day later he will believe in God. God bless my family.
This year I lost 2 friends. The first one is Senior, he refuse to continue become friends after the break up. The second one is Prince, I really wish he can forgive me but it seems so hard, quite upset as he wasn't only my ex boyfriend but also my best friend, he know me the most although he started to doubt how much he knows about me. Quite sad when he tells me our friendship ends here..we know each other for 7 years, how can we simply ends our friendship? But I hope one day later he'd understand everything I did was for our good and I really appreciate him as a friend. May God bless our friendship.
Thanks God for I get back my joy in this christmas. I really feel very happy with my life now, at least for now I don't have any stress. Although it seems quite risky for many people but please... That's my choice, my respect my choice. I may be forgetful and abit blurcase, but I know what I am doing. I am clear with wha I am doing. I still think alot before I do something. Please trust my decision!
The second thing I found back was the watch! Hahaha~ it is on my bed! Yesterday I was so upset and keep telling myself what has gone it's gone. I guess most people also know actually that watch was for Prince, but after the break up, he didn't take it..haiz..I hope one day later we can still become good friends like what we was..arrg..headache!
Lastly, I need to point out what I may need in uk...mask, laptop cooler, mouse, jeans...what else?? Arrg..someone please giv me a list of things needed pls~~
Thursday, December 23, 2010
23.12 daPrawn's Cottage
Today was a funny day. I did alot of silly thing today..hahahaha~~ Silly until even Squid also behtahan me..But anyway I stil did some useful things today, at least I've done all the certified jobs^^~ Today only I realise I can photostat things in CITC...gosh...4 years I 've been here, today only I know about that.
Squid says I am abit insane nowadays, perhaps my medicine not effective anymore~ wakakaka~ Maybe I need to take injection next time.. Things go worst~
A lot of things I need to prepared before go UK, so stress when think about that. Today Fishie talk to me about UK life, Visa, credit card and so on...gosh! why need to prepare so many thing??
Think a lot on what I need to buy today...eg. Shoe, laptop, jacket, food, insurance, medicine, camera...what else?? arrg! Headache when think about that~!
Squid says I am abit insane nowadays, perhaps my medicine not effective anymore~ wakakaka~ Maybe I need to take injection next time.. Things go worst~
A lot of things I need to prepared before go UK, so stress when think about that. Today Fishie talk to me about UK life, Visa, credit card and so on...gosh! why need to prepare so many thing??
Think a lot on what I need to buy today...eg. Shoe, laptop, jacket, food, insurance, medicine, camera...what else?? arrg! Headache when think about that~!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
22.12 daPrawn's Cottage
Thanks my dear Squid-chy for given my the inspiration for the name. Yeah, it should be a cottage instead of cafe or etude! I love cottage!
Today is a special day for the whole ABF 2. Why do I say so? After 4 years we look at other (our seniors)'s presentation, finally it's our turn to SHOW OFF our skills! Due to someone told us to be there early in the morning (8.30am) today, everyone comes with a tired and sleepy look. Yet who know the one giving command was late. LOL~~
Then we just sit there and talk talk talk...We talk a lot about 2012 today. It is so near but for now...I really wish it could comes earlier so that I can skip my troubles earlier. It's stupid but I really try to escape from it.
Today was full of surprises, thanks to Ms Chow changed the 'Compulsory' into ' Encourage', no junior attend our public presentation. Quite disappointed as most of us attend our seniors' presentations but no one attend ours... sob sob T.T~~ perhaps it's good for the presenters as they won't feel that nervous while presenting, but if I am the presenter, I would hope my juniors see my presentation. Anyway, I do had a great time with all mates today. This could be the last time we wear formal together and play around with it, it could be the last time where most of us turn up for class as well. Took a lot photos today and keep disturbing around today also~~ hahaha~ It's quite tiring but it's fun~! Thanks everyone, thanks ABF for the 4 years great time and thanks all the lecturers for being kind and patient all this while~!!!!
On the other hand, the college is having an event called 'Botak or Hair'. It's quite interesting and many student was quite supportive. The things attract my attention was I saw Abby in one of their advertisment. Abby voluntier to cut botak! My gosh....I feel like voluntier myself for the event also, I need a hair cut but don't know what kind of hairstyle should I do. My mom says she prefer me with short hair, especially boy hair, Zeus and Senior said they like me with long hair, Prince said I look good no matter with short or long hair, Squid said she forgot how I look like while short hair... So what should I do? Long or Short??! No matter how, I still need to cut my hair. My hair looks so messy, it grows extraordinary fast this year after became Prince's girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the Cinderella, maybe I am the Rapunzel, that's why I have long long hair~ hahaha~
Lastly, I am so sorry for ignore those people who try to call me out for date. I have no time for it, my timetable is so packed. So sorry about that, I might only be free after 15th January. Besides, I need to apologies for the never answer calls or end the calls half way. I am too busy for calls and I don't feel like answer calls now. I want holiday! Please~
Today is a special day for the whole ABF 2. Why do I say so? After 4 years we look at other (our seniors)'s presentation, finally it's our turn to SHOW OFF our skills! Due to someone told us to be there early in the morning (8.30am) today, everyone comes with a tired and sleepy look. Yet who know the one giving command was late. LOL~~
Then we just sit there and talk talk talk...We talk a lot about 2012 today. It is so near but for now...I really wish it could comes earlier so that I can skip my troubles earlier. It's stupid but I really try to escape from it.
Today was full of surprises, thanks to Ms Chow changed the 'Compulsory' into ' Encourage', no junior attend our public presentation. Quite disappointed as most of us attend our seniors' presentations but no one attend ours... sob sob T.T~~ perhaps it's good for the presenters as they won't feel that nervous while presenting, but if I am the presenter, I would hope my juniors see my presentation. Anyway, I do had a great time with all mates today. This could be the last time we wear formal together and play around with it, it could be the last time where most of us turn up for class as well. Took a lot photos today and keep disturbing around today also~~ hahaha~ It's quite tiring but it's fun~! Thanks everyone, thanks ABF for the 4 years great time and thanks all the lecturers for being kind and patient all this while~!!!!
On the other hand, the college is having an event called 'Botak or Hair'. It's quite interesting and many student was quite supportive. The things attract my attention was I saw Abby in one of their advertisment. Abby voluntier to cut botak! My gosh....I feel like voluntier myself for the event also, I need a hair cut but don't know what kind of hairstyle should I do. My mom says she prefer me with short hair, especially boy hair, Zeus and Senior said they like me with long hair, Prince said I look good no matter with short or long hair, Squid said she forgot how I look like while short hair... So what should I do? Long or Short??! No matter how, I still need to cut my hair. My hair looks so messy, it grows extraordinary fast this year after became Prince's girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the Cinderella, maybe I am the Rapunzel, that's why I have long long hair~ hahaha~
Lastly, I am so sorry for ignore those people who try to call me out for date. I have no time for it, my timetable is so packed. So sorry about that, I might only be free after 15th January. Besides, I need to apologies for the never answer calls or end the calls half way. I am too busy for calls and I don't feel like answer calls now. I want holiday! Please~
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
21.12 another day to cheer~
Today was a awesome day! It's the best day I had throughout this year! Although the start wasn't that good, but it ends with many good and memorable incident. Squid says for long time she never saw me as cheerful as today, for long time I never laugh and smile and act cute like what I did today.
In the morning, woke up late today. Squid told me she is on her way to college and she doesn't want me to be too late as she still has work to do. So I quickly rush to the college with the messy look. Yet, she was not there when I reached. She went to take breakfast with her boy. At that moment, I went out from the station and get some food there. I saw an auntie looks so kind and pity, so I decided to buy her nasi lemak although I don't like nasi lemak (she only sell nasi lemak). Later she tells me she doesn't provide spoon, so I try to ask for spoon from the stall beside her. Who knows d stall lady (a lady) look so 'hak hau hak min', and refuse to give me spoon..So I need to wait for Squid to go college and get spoon there. Squid says it's normal. From this incident, I understand 1 thing, human is selfish and should be selfish to survive. The lady was selfish because that's her competitive advantage- she provides spoon!
We went to class after done our assignment. Woohoo~ That's my last assignment in this year! That's my last assignment in TARC as well! No more assignment~ I am officially liberated! However, I don't really feel good after sir say he doesn't like my assignment due to it's in black and white. I put alot effort on it seriously, please do not simply judge my assignment before you read it! Do not judge the book by it's cover! Anyway, what is done, it's done! I have less burden now~ Cheer~~~
Good things comes after all the bad things gone. For the first time in my life, I watched 2 movie in 1 day! Movie after movie without resting! We watch social network and the choronicle of narnia. From the 2 movies, I learn a lot of things:
During the movie, I switch off my phone. I don't want any disturb, I just wanna enjoy the 'holiday' I have. I am sorry to those people who called me so many times but cannot get me, especially Zeus.
Thanks Squid for everthing, I had a great time with her today! Thanks everyone too! I will be fine! I will tell the whole world Adelaide has back! Remember, A for Adorable~ wakakaka~
In the morning, woke up late today. Squid told me she is on her way to college and she doesn't want me to be too late as she still has work to do. So I quickly rush to the college with the messy look. Yet, she was not there when I reached. She went to take breakfast with her boy. At that moment, I went out from the station and get some food there. I saw an auntie looks so kind and pity, so I decided to buy her nasi lemak although I don't like nasi lemak (she only sell nasi lemak). Later she tells me she doesn't provide spoon, so I try to ask for spoon from the stall beside her. Who knows d stall lady (a lady) look so 'hak hau hak min', and refuse to give me spoon..So I need to wait for Squid to go college and get spoon there. Squid says it's normal. From this incident, I understand 1 thing, human is selfish and should be selfish to survive. The lady was selfish because that's her competitive advantage- she provides spoon!
We went to class after done our assignment. Woohoo~ That's my last assignment in this year! That's my last assignment in TARC as well! No more assignment~ I am officially liberated! However, I don't really feel good after sir say he doesn't like my assignment due to it's in black and white. I put alot effort on it seriously, please do not simply judge my assignment before you read it! Do not judge the book by it's cover! Anyway, what is done, it's done! I have less burden now~ Cheer~~~
Good things comes after all the bad things gone. For the first time in my life, I watched 2 movie in 1 day! Movie after movie without resting! We watch social network and the choronicle of narnia. From the 2 movies, I learn a lot of things:
- Humanity starts to be diluted after the person get rich, evil spirit arise when people get richer.
- People will start to be greedy, start to ask for more things when they are getting richer. Don't be trapped by the sin.
- Do not fall into temptations, they will trap you and ruin you. Be strong, be yourself, stand strong on your own principles.
- Best pals will only shown when you are in your tough, beware when making friends. Don't lost your old pals. People starts to have lesser friend when they get richer.
During the movie, I switch off my phone. I don't want any disturb, I just wanna enjoy the 'holiday' I have. I am sorry to those people who called me so many times but cannot get me, especially Zeus.
Thanks Squid for everthing, I had a great time with her today! Thanks everyone too! I will be fine! I will tell the whole world Adelaide has back! Remember, A for Adorable~ wakakaka~
Monday, December 20, 2010
20。12 之心情日记
昨晚不速之客忽然说放过我，我开心到要傻掉了！这是我今年内最好不过的事情了！就拼命发讯息给好朋友们，那一刻真的会觉得世界是超级美好的~~只不过这个超级美好的时刻之维持了几分钟。几分钟后我又被调回地狱了，他又打来了，他还发讯息来说我就是他的女朋友，他绝对不会离开。妈呀~他几时才要走啊！
今天早上心情很差向给王子骂一下，只有打给他才能让自己确定目标。不小心就打去他家了，心想：完了，一定给他轰了~ 结果他不在家，我觉得他其实是不想接我电话所以说不在家咯，因为事后有看到他上网。然后就自己篇故事给自己咯。
过后，我又跟不速之客吵架，他硬要说我是他女朋友，我就说那我们分手咯！他又不肯放我走！
最近妈妈跟弟弟高到很不愉快，大家都没有讲话。我也很不愉快，因为大家都不愉快。妈妈为了烦心弟弟的事结果差少少砍掉自己的手指。妈妈很不小心，那个是砍肉的大刀咧！不能乱乱开玩笑的咧！
结果我一下乱掉了，毕竟妈妈有贫血，很怕再留下去她会晕到。就到处找人求救咯!找王子，找不速之客，找威廉，找饥渴者，找了好多人~ 妈妈说我很笨蛋，没有必要找那么多人，她说我好像在到处宣传她割到手。其实我真的很担心啊！结果可能太担心了，妈妈没有晕倒我自己晕倒了。妈妈叫我要自己小心身体，毕竟上次看医生时医生有说我的心跳不太正常。
原来妈妈很心烦是因为弟弟昨天吃了四包快熟面。很搞笑哦！原来是这样！哈哈哈！其实昨晚上的面是我吃的啦！弟弟是看我胃不舒服所以煮面给我吃！所以说啊！我就知道弟弟最疼我了！哈哈哈~ 只不过妈妈还是不原谅弟弟。她还是很生气弟弟的头发，她说弟弟的头发祥魔鬼。
记得上次王子说我妈妈跟他有很多共同点，像大家都喜欢理家，喜欢种植，不过我觉得他跟我妈妈最像的地方就是固执！妈妈很固执的不听我说，硬要用橡胶圈绑着手指，说什么不要让血流到那里，那是什么道理嘛！手指会坏死咧！经过一番搏斗，妈妈的手终于止血了！还好有隔壁的靓女auntie给了我们一瓶药，那药真的很有效咧！
后来就一直开着电脑，威尼斯一上线就说关于不速之客，就一直说他对我很好很爱我等的。很抱歉啦！我真的不要选他！叫他离开！谢谢！威尼斯说不速之客跟她说了很多，多到两张A4纸都印不完。我还是同一句话，走！不要找我了！离开！
今天早上心情很差向给王子骂一下，只有打给他才能让自己确定目标。不小心就打去他家了，心想：完了，一定给他轰了~ 结果他不在家，我觉得他其实是不想接我电话所以说不在家咯，因为事后有看到他上网。然后就自己篇故事给自己咯。
过后，我又跟不速之客吵架，他硬要说我是他女朋友，我就说那我们分手咯！他又不肯放我走！
最近妈妈跟弟弟高到很不愉快，大家都没有讲话。我也很不愉快，因为大家都不愉快。妈妈为了烦心弟弟的事结果差少少砍掉自己的手指。妈妈很不小心，那个是砍肉的大刀咧！不能乱乱开玩笑的咧！
结果我一下乱掉了，毕竟妈妈有贫血，很怕再留下去她会晕到。就到处找人求救咯!找王子，找不速之客，找威廉，找饥渴者，找了好多人~ 妈妈说我很笨蛋，没有必要找那么多人，她说我好像在到处宣传她割到手。其实我真的很担心啊！结果可能太担心了，妈妈没有晕倒我自己晕倒了。妈妈叫我要自己小心身体，毕竟上次看医生时医生有说我的心跳不太正常。
原来妈妈很心烦是因为弟弟昨天吃了四包快熟面。很搞笑哦！原来是这样！哈哈哈！其实昨晚上的面是我吃的啦！弟弟是看我胃不舒服所以煮面给我吃！所以说啊！我就知道弟弟最疼我了！哈哈哈~ 只不过妈妈还是不原谅弟弟。她还是很生气弟弟的头发，她说弟弟的头发祥魔鬼。
记得上次王子说我妈妈跟他有很多共同点，像大家都喜欢理家，喜欢种植，不过我觉得他跟我妈妈最像的地方就是固执！妈妈很固执的不听我说，硬要用橡胶圈绑着手指，说什么不要让血流到那里，那是什么道理嘛！手指会坏死咧！经过一番搏斗，妈妈的手终于止血了！还好有隔壁的靓女auntie给了我们一瓶药，那药真的很有效咧！
后来就一直开着电脑，威尼斯一上线就说关于不速之客，就一直说他对我很好很爱我等的。很抱歉啦！我真的不要选他！叫他离开！谢谢！威尼斯说不速之客跟她说了很多，多到两张A4纸都印不完。我还是同一句话，走！不要找我了！离开！
Sunday, December 19, 2010
免我们的债，如同我们免了人的债
上帝是满有能力的。凡有气息的都应当称颂他。
最近因为苦毒太多，太多不如意的事情发生，才是不懂得去赞美神了。感谢上帝，他有在看顾我的需要，他知道我的心在想些什么。
圣经说：免我们的债，如同我们免了人的债。以前我总是觉得这样功课我学得蛮好了，原来赦免别人说出来很容易，但做出来并没有那么简单。
终于分手分到有那种当初慧猪跟男朋友分手时所说的那种感觉：上帝还能相信吗？第一次被主内姐妹抢了自己的男朋友，那种感觉真的超级难受的，真的会想问上帝为什么会有一个这样的女儿（其实我也好不到哪里去），真的会想离开教会，真的会怀疑上帝的恩典和信实，真的会怀疑上帝的能力。
事情发生之前，当不速之客开始骚扰的时候我记得我在上帝面前哭求他把这个人拿开，我问上帝怎么办，上帝说他要开道路。我也祷告求上帝一路带领。结果到我跟王子真的完了，那时候也真的会怀疑上帝到底能力有多大。难道说上帝要开路，就把路越开越糟吗？其实分手后我真的不是很恨王子，我只是很乱，我不知道上帝有多信实了。
求上帝帮助学会我原谅，单靠血气是不可能爱他们的，求上帝赐我更多的爱去学习爱别人，即使那个人并不可爱。也求上帝帮助我得到别人的原谅。感谢上帝！
最近因为苦毒太多，太多不如意的事情发生，才是不懂得去赞美神了。感谢上帝，他有在看顾我的需要，他知道我的心在想些什么。
圣经说：免我们的债，如同我们免了人的债。以前我总是觉得这样功课我学得蛮好了，原来赦免别人说出来很容易，但做出来并没有那么简单。
终于分手分到有那种当初慧猪跟男朋友分手时所说的那种感觉：上帝还能相信吗？第一次被主内姐妹抢了自己的男朋友，那种感觉真的超级难受的，真的会想问上帝为什么会有一个这样的女儿（其实我也好不到哪里去），真的会想离开教会，真的会怀疑上帝的恩典和信实，真的会怀疑上帝的能力。
事情发生之前，当不速之客开始骚扰的时候我记得我在上帝面前哭求他把这个人拿开，我问上帝怎么办，上帝说他要开道路。我也祷告求上帝一路带领。结果到我跟王子真的完了，那时候也真的会怀疑上帝到底能力有多大。难道说上帝要开路，就把路越开越糟吗？其实分手后我真的不是很恨王子，我只是很乱，我不知道上帝有多信实了。
求上帝帮助学会我原谅，单靠血气是不可能爱他们的，求上帝赐我更多的爱去学习爱别人，即使那个人并不可爱。也求上帝帮助我得到别人的原谅。感谢上帝！
Saturday, December 18, 2010
18。12之心情日记
感谢上帝，今天是个喜乐的日子！最近都在赶功课，没有好好照顾自己，今天下午无端端伤风了，可能是因为这两天天气有点冷，冷坏了。所以提早离开电脑室，去吃麦当劳！没想到吃了麦当劳伤风就好了哦！
吃完麦当劳我们就去时代广场，想从那里去看医生。医生说我得戒奶制品，糟糕了，不能喝奶了！
随后就跟思思到处逛逛，今年时代广场的圣诞蛮漂亮！而且我们还看到圣诞老人哦！思思说我很象小孩，看到圣诞老人就很开心。我们在那里拍了很多照片，然后就走去双峰塔搭地铁回家。
回家途中宙斯打给我说他的钱包不见了，原来他找了我整天就是要说这件事。忽然觉得很内疚，他那么惨了，我居然还整天都不理他哦！不过我今天真的比较忙，忙着从这间广场走去那间广场。对不起啦！
回到家就有妈妈煮的炒饭吃，觉得自己好幸福！妈妈炒饭超好吃！
去年是因为学长病了，不能出门才没有一起看雪。今年因为跟王子分手了，他以前许下的承诺都不算了。虽然今年好多事都不太如意，去年的圣诞愿望都没办法实现，但我依然深信明年会实现！我要跟我最爱的人一起玩雪，即使是假的雪！
吃完麦当劳我们就去时代广场，想从那里去看医生。医生说我得戒奶制品，糟糕了，不能喝奶了！
随后就跟思思到处逛逛，今年时代广场的圣诞蛮漂亮！而且我们还看到圣诞老人哦！思思说我很象小孩，看到圣诞老人就很开心。我们在那里拍了很多照片，然后就走去双峰塔搭地铁回家。
回家途中宙斯打给我说他的钱包不见了，原来他找了我整天就是要说这件事。忽然觉得很内疚，他那么惨了，我居然还整天都不理他哦！不过我今天真的比较忙，忙着从这间广场走去那间广场。对不起啦！
回到家就有妈妈煮的炒饭吃，觉得自己好幸福！妈妈炒饭超好吃！
去年是因为学长病了，不能出门才没有一起看雪。今年因为跟王子分手了，他以前许下的承诺都不算了。虽然今年好多事都不太如意，去年的圣诞愿望都没办法实现，但我依然深信明年会实现！我要跟我最爱的人一起玩雪，即使是假的雪！
Friday, December 17, 2010
17。12 之心情日记
逐渐习惯没有王子打点的生活。每天早上起来就像以前一样有规律的生活，虽然没有人发现我的生活其实很有规律。其实我喜欢有规律的生活，虽然我也喜欢新鲜，哈哈哈~有点矛盾！
今天早上思思忽然心血来潮请我吃早餐，是麦当劳早餐哦！还是我最喜欢的套餐哦！真的有点小感动，毕竟她给了我新一天很好的开始！谢谢你，思思！
进学校一样见到管理员很灿烂的笑容，她已经没笑几天了，原本有点担心她是不是有什么烦心的事了，今天看她笑了就好！
今天的天气虽然跟昨天一样阴阴沉沉的，不过不同的是今天的我心是温暖的！因为一日之计在于晨，今天美好的开始给了我很大的动力！
今天还有一件值得一提的事，就是我终于有肚子饿得感觉啦！虽然肚子还是没有办法向正常人的咕噜咕噜吵，不过至少会提醒我该吃午餐了！不过今天的午餐不太好，因为我们蛮迟吃早餐的，剩下的食物不好吃，好咸哦！
回到电脑室就发现了一件不好的事，我的pendrive不见了!所有的assignments都在里面！我当场呆掉了，心想：完了，这下不可能毕业了！还好出去前没把文件关掉，有些文件电脑里面还有，就随便拿一支不太正常的pendrive来先收着咯！
思思说我应该感谢上帝，至少那些重要的东西有在，还找得回。只是不见了它真的会很心痛咯！毕竟它是我最后一支可以用的pendrive，而且是特别去找一支那么可爱的！不过说真的那个人真的很没本咯！三十零吉的pendrive买不起么？需要用偷的么？
晚上的电脑室真的特别冷，有那种要成为冻死骨的感觉！不过还蛮有成就感的，至少今天作了很多东西，希望赶得及在星期一前做完咯！加油！
今天早上思思忽然心血来潮请我吃早餐，是麦当劳早餐哦！还是我最喜欢的套餐哦！真的有点小感动，毕竟她给了我新一天很好的开始！谢谢你，思思！
进学校一样见到管理员很灿烂的笑容，她已经没笑几天了，原本有点担心她是不是有什么烦心的事了，今天看她笑了就好！
今天的天气虽然跟昨天一样阴阴沉沉的，不过不同的是今天的我心是温暖的！因为一日之计在于晨，今天美好的开始给了我很大的动力！
今天还有一件值得一提的事，就是我终于有肚子饿得感觉啦！虽然肚子还是没有办法向正常人的咕噜咕噜吵，不过至少会提醒我该吃午餐了！不过今天的午餐不太好，因为我们蛮迟吃早餐的，剩下的食物不好吃，好咸哦！
回到电脑室就发现了一件不好的事，我的pendrive不见了!所有的assignments都在里面！我当场呆掉了，心想：完了，这下不可能毕业了！还好出去前没把文件关掉，有些文件电脑里面还有，就随便拿一支不太正常的pendrive来先收着咯！
思思说我应该感谢上帝，至少那些重要的东西有在，还找得回。只是不见了它真的会很心痛咯！毕竟它是我最后一支可以用的pendrive，而且是特别去找一支那么可爱的！不过说真的那个人真的很没本咯！三十零吉的pendrive买不起么？需要用偷的么？
晚上的电脑室真的特别冷，有那种要成为冻死骨的感觉！不过还蛮有成就感的，至少今天作了很多东西，希望赶得及在星期一前做完咯！加油！
Thursday, December 16, 2010
我爱你--战争女神
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzSqHnc8uoc
今天与下了整个上午，让人有种很慵懒的感觉，也有一种很忧郁的感觉。无意中听到一首很不错的歌，一首韩语歌，名叫我爱你。虽然我从头到尾都不懂她在唱什么，不过却有一种很感动的感觉。可能最近受伤太多，对伤心的事总有些身在其中的错觉吧！
在歌曲的开头，MV的女主人角说了一句很值得思考的话：'是爱情呢？还是报仇呢？' 一句话，我咀嚼了好久，没有答案。现在的我是在报复吗？我是在报复王子对我的背叛吗？是在报复不速之客的插手伤害吗？是在报复自己没把事情处理好吗？
有人说过天蝎座有一种以生俱来的气质，像红玫瑰般夺目，却相对危险，也有种以命报复的含义。所以我从来不喜欢玫瑰，因为不爱玫瑰那么夺目，不喜欢红玫瑰那么骄傲自大，不喜欢那种神秘。可能是同样的东西在自己身上找得到，就不喜欢人家抢自己的风采吧！
如果你问我属理性还是感性的人，其实我也不确定，但应该是感性型的吧，所以也不喜欢太爱哭得男生，因为他跟我一样感性，会让我觉得他很恶心。不过偶尔感性（不要哭）真的可以让人蛮感动的，像王子有一次学那些神经衰弱的人说话的方式来跟我告白，我真的觉得很感动。那天虽然我们在停车场绕了整个小时，我也在车上呱呱叫了整个小时，但心是温暖的，因为牵着我的人是他，是王子。
'My love，不要忘记，不要抹去，我们的爱~' 我分手的时候我说了很多次我不要放手，可是他坚持。他坚持把我们的爱抹去，不留任何痕迹，不留任何感情。他不知道在电话另一头的我的世界当场毁了，所有一直以来的坚持换回来的是背叛，换回来的是两天吃不下饭，换回来的是要对着世界强颜欢笑。他应该知道，我从来不是一个爱伪装的人，不是一个会强颜欢笑的人，从来都不是。
我会很努力撑过每一天，因为他说过不会再让我痛苦的，他说过不要我痛哭的，不过这种生活出口到底在哪里？
'我，对不起，对不起，总是无法忘记你~' 对不起，我总是想起他，我总是怀念他，总是不能回去我们走过的每个地方，总是不能忘记他的影子。我真的有在努力，不过这种努力比较像在逃避。我很努力去逃避。
'My love，请你回来，不要离开，回到我身旁，求你。' 曲终人散，草木依旧，人事已非。当他回到以前我们走过的地方是会不会依然想起我？当他想起我的时候会不会不知觉得笑出来？会不会不知觉得心痛？
歌曲的最后男主角说了一句很熟悉的话：'你的一切我都能接受' 这句话他也说过，他说因为爱我，我的一切他都能接受，可是这句接受现在真的很遥远了，已经遥不可及了。
今天与下了整个上午，让人有种很慵懒的感觉，也有一种很忧郁的感觉。无意中听到一首很不错的歌，一首韩语歌，名叫我爱你。虽然我从头到尾都不懂她在唱什么，不过却有一种很感动的感觉。可能最近受伤太多，对伤心的事总有些身在其中的错觉吧！
在歌曲的开头，MV的女主人角说了一句很值得思考的话：'是爱情呢？还是报仇呢？' 一句话，我咀嚼了好久，没有答案。现在的我是在报复吗？我是在报复王子对我的背叛吗？是在报复不速之客的插手伤害吗？是在报复自己没把事情处理好吗？
有人说过天蝎座有一种以生俱来的气质，像红玫瑰般夺目，却相对危险，也有种以命报复的含义。所以我从来不喜欢玫瑰，因为不爱玫瑰那么夺目，不喜欢红玫瑰那么骄傲自大，不喜欢那种神秘。可能是同样的东西在自己身上找得到，就不喜欢人家抢自己的风采吧！
如果你问我属理性还是感性的人，其实我也不确定，但应该是感性型的吧，所以也不喜欢太爱哭得男生，因为他跟我一样感性，会让我觉得他很恶心。不过偶尔感性（不要哭）真的可以让人蛮感动的，像王子有一次学那些神经衰弱的人说话的方式来跟我告白，我真的觉得很感动。那天虽然我们在停车场绕了整个小时，我也在车上呱呱叫了整个小时，但心是温暖的，因为牵着我的人是他，是王子。
'My love，不要忘记，不要抹去，我们的爱~' 我分手的时候我说了很多次我不要放手，可是他坚持。他坚持把我们的爱抹去，不留任何痕迹，不留任何感情。他不知道在电话另一头的我的世界当场毁了，所有一直以来的坚持换回来的是背叛，换回来的是两天吃不下饭，换回来的是要对着世界强颜欢笑。他应该知道，我从来不是一个爱伪装的人，不是一个会强颜欢笑的人，从来都不是。
我会很努力撑过每一天，因为他说过不会再让我痛苦的，他说过不要我痛哭的，不过这种生活出口到底在哪里？
'我，对不起，对不起，总是无法忘记你~' 对不起，我总是想起他，我总是怀念他，总是不能回去我们走过的每个地方，总是不能忘记他的影子。我真的有在努力，不过这种努力比较像在逃避。我很努力去逃避。
'My love，请你回来，不要离开，回到我身旁，求你。' 曲终人散，草木依旧，人事已非。当他回到以前我们走过的地方是会不会依然想起我？当他想起我的时候会不会不知觉得笑出来？会不会不知觉得心痛？
歌曲的最后男主角说了一句很熟悉的话：'你的一切我都能接受' 这句话他也说过，他说因为爱我，我的一切他都能接受，可是这句接受现在真的很遥远了，已经遥不可及了。
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
15.12.2010
今天妈妈跟弟弟吵架，所以我也哭了整个早上。结果就哭到整个人晕晕的咯！头晕提醒我很多东西，提醒我不能再哭了，再哭就会死掉了！自己要知道贫血可以很危险，血糖不够可以致命。还好昨天宙斯提我买了糖，不然我今天就可能半路晕倒了，到时候思思就麻烦大了！
这次哭让我想起好多事，有一次他们吵架，我也是只会在哭。结果就哭到哮喘发作，他们都下到呆掉了。其实他们都很疼我的，他们不会这样丢下我的不是吗？对吗？不管什么事都不会走的是吗？记得小时候我不受宠，保姆家的人都不喜欢我，都喜欢弟弟，弟弟每次都把好东西留一份给我。弟弟很疼我的，不会丢下我的。
想着想着就想到自己的哮喘，我好像跟王子说过我好久没有哮喘发作了，不过我最后一次哮喘好像是今年二月的事，那时是因为跟学长分手而哭到哮喘的，然后再自己灌水让它好一点。前几天好像又有要发作的显现，只不过还好没有发作，不然可麻烦了！
现在没有人会再旁边一只叮咛我要照顾身体了，凡是要靠自己了。要更小心，更注意，不要拖累身边的人，不要让他们操心。
这次哭让我想起好多事，有一次他们吵架，我也是只会在哭。结果就哭到哮喘发作，他们都下到呆掉了。其实他们都很疼我的，他们不会这样丢下我的不是吗？对吗？不管什么事都不会走的是吗？记得小时候我不受宠，保姆家的人都不喜欢我，都喜欢弟弟，弟弟每次都把好东西留一份给我。弟弟很疼我的，不会丢下我的。
想着想着就想到自己的哮喘，我好像跟王子说过我好久没有哮喘发作了，不过我最后一次哮喘好像是今年二月的事，那时是因为跟学长分手而哭到哮喘的，然后再自己灌水让它好一点。前几天好像又有要发作的显现，只不过还好没有发作，不然可麻烦了！
现在没有人会再旁边一只叮咛我要照顾身体了，凡是要靠自己了。要更小心，更注意，不要拖累身边的人，不要让他们操心。
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
14.12之 心情故事
今天是蛮有人性的日子，属于观察的日子。今天让我明白，观看四方可以让人获益良多，学习很多。
昨晚被一个挚友，爱人诬赖。我告诉他我跟他现任女友说了些关于他的事，他居然问回我有什么企图哦！够过分咯！先生，你认识我多少年了哦？我在你心中就是那么样的吗？！我有像你那么会耍攻心计吗？我有你讲到这样变态吗？拜托！我好像是每次笨笨给你施计的人咯！我只是想把事情交待好，把事情交待清楚了我才能确定你能安好。我不管在对人或是工作都是这样的好不好？！每次做工作离职之前我都会把东西交待清楚让以后接手的人知道要怎样做，不然我也会把东西全部写下来让以后接手的人方便知道或明白东西要怎样做！对人也是一样！拜托！你才是爱耍伎俩的人，不是我！
今天天气很灰，没什么颜色，所以找了朋友带我去兜兜风。由于他还在上班，我就跟着他去上班咯！他带我到一间很大的工厂。那工厂的老板是个老uncle，却有很多个情妇，情妇们都在那间工厂上班，天天碰面。老板娘也在那里上班，结果老板娘，情妇一，情妇二，情妇三等等都在一起上班。这种场面你想象得到吗？有些女人总是说要嫁个有钱人，嫁了又会好吗？
后来我们去油站，有个洋人很搞笑。他把车泊得远到离谱，然后下车要打油，结果当然打不到啦！笨笨的！哈哈哈！我朋友说我很好笑，这种事情也可以笑成这样。不过我真的觉得他很搞笑，光头又呆头呆脑的样子。搞不明白东西的时候就一直抓他那光到发亮的头。哈哈哈！
昨晚被一个挚友，爱人诬赖。我告诉他我跟他现任女友说了些关于他的事，他居然问回我有什么企图哦！够过分咯！先生，你认识我多少年了哦？我在你心中就是那么样的吗？！我有像你那么会耍攻心计吗？我有你讲到这样变态吗？拜托！我好像是每次笨笨给你施计的人咯！我只是想把事情交待好，把事情交待清楚了我才能确定你能安好。我不管在对人或是工作都是这样的好不好？！每次做工作离职之前我都会把东西交待清楚让以后接手的人知道要怎样做，不然我也会把东西全部写下来让以后接手的人方便知道或明白东西要怎样做！对人也是一样！拜托！你才是爱耍伎俩的人，不是我！
今天天气很灰，没什么颜色，所以找了朋友带我去兜兜风。由于他还在上班，我就跟着他去上班咯！他带我到一间很大的工厂。那工厂的老板是个老uncle，却有很多个情妇，情妇们都在那间工厂上班，天天碰面。老板娘也在那里上班，结果老板娘，情妇一，情妇二，情妇三等等都在一起上班。这种场面你想象得到吗？有些女人总是说要嫁个有钱人，嫁了又会好吗？
后来我们去油站，有个洋人很搞笑。他把车泊得远到离谱，然后下车要打油，结果当然打不到啦！笨笨的！哈哈哈！我朋友说我很好笑，这种事情也可以笑成这样。不过我真的觉得他很搞笑，光头又呆头呆脑的样子。搞不明白东西的时候就一直抓他那光到发亮的头。哈哈哈！
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas comes from the heart
Christmas is very special for me, meant alot to me. It is the time for giving and forgiving~
Thanks God for sending his son, Jesus to the earth to save our lifes.
Thanks God for choosed me as his daughter and go through every bad time and good time with me.
He is my saviour, my lord
He is my teacher, my friend
Thanks God for taught me to forgive
Thanks God for taught me about giving and blessing
Thanks God for listening my cry when I am weak
Thanks God for be with me when I am happy.
I know, no matter in what situation, my God is with me.
Thanks God for sending his son, Jesus to the earth to save our lifes.
Thanks God for choosed me as his daughter and go through every bad time and good time with me.
He is my saviour, my lord
He is my teacher, my friend
Thanks God for taught me to forgive
Thanks God for taught me about giving and blessing
Thanks God for listening my cry when I am weak
Thanks God for be with me when I am happy.
I know, no matter in what situation, my God is with me.
King of My Heart
Some one called me a lucky girl, perhaps for her I am lucky cause at that time I owned that guy she love. But somehow when things past by, everything changed and I am not as lucky as she said. Why say so? Perhaps I am not good enough to suit that guy, perhaps that guy doesn't suit us... that's what I told her.
This guy, whom I am in love at my first sight, whom I knew I will be in trouble because of him, whom I always obeyed since form two, whom I always trust even when I know he is lying... even when he told me his birthday is on 29th Febuary... I trusted him.
this guy, whom know me more than myself, whom I believe he won't leave me no matter in what situation, whom he said he won't dump me, whom given me hope and reasons to live...dumped me due to unable to trust me.
he told others he tell me everything, I know everything, do I? Usually I only know about the big title after everything is settled, I don't have any idea on all the contents and breakdowns. when i ask him, he will said perhaps we are not in the same college thats why others know more than me. it works the same on his story with his so called kai mui. he told me he won't, he told me she is just kai mui and won't have any chances to go deeper than that. At last, he told me he loves her, doesn't love me anymore.
Form 1, he was a famous guy in his class. I was in the next class. Some of my friends were so admire him and always told me about him. After all these, I also started to fall for him.
Form 2, I confest with him.
Form 4, he told me he is in love with a girl secretly for many years. I wanted to help so I help him to tell that girl he loves her. that girl told me actually he sent letter for her before but she feels awful to accept him as he didn't does anything after that. So I told him to confest with the girl again face to face. Yet, at last he didn't follow what i said.
After secondary school, I work at Alpha Angle's Jusco. He came visit me few times. My bf was so upset as he know He is the one I always admired. So he did some weird things to force him to go.
Diploma, he was taking STPM at the same college with me. We met few times in the college. Went out for yc, went out for lunch... He became the classrep that time and he always complaint that his classmates doesn't work with him and he doesn't like his class. He seems a extra person in his class.
After STPM, he take about 1 year plus to think what he want and where he want to go after that. He ask me about my confest when we was form 2. Ask me how much do I love him. I lied to him and say actually I was just acting that time because my best friend felt that the guy she loved was loving me. I need to break that guy's heart by telling that guy actually I was in love with Him. I used him as a way to reject people. But he forgot..actually he accepted me when form 2. After he accepted me, I always wait him outside his class during recess time, but he always hide himself in the library. I always cry outside his class because he never entertain me at all.. until that day he push me to my first ex.
At last he choosed IT as he said he is interested on computering stuff. So he went UTAR and take foundation on it because he doesn't has any basic on accounting. I told him can find me for help as my accounting is ok.
He stop his foundation course after that as he think the course is not suitable for him and was quite upset as the 2nd girl he love became his friend's gf. Around that time also I broke up with my senior and was quite depressed. We chat quite often and came out for baskin robbin. He loves ice cream, same as me. Ice cream can help cooling down the spirit of anger and corbonhydrate in ice cream can help boosting human's brain (increasing glucose that reaches human brain,blood glucose can help making brain think better) and turn our thinking to be positive.
He always watch football (FIFA) because I watch it. Actually both of us don't really like football. I watch it because the guy I tried to tackle love it, he watch it because I watch it. Actually I was just following what Paul the Octoplus said in predicting which team will win. I never watch all the matches, but he watched for me and tell me the result. That time I love shakira, I love Waka waka...he loves it too. He said shakira is hot.
On 10th July he asked me to become his gf. I was very surprise, for so many years I was so admire him and at the end he become an idol fo me. Unbelievable, my idol confest to me! I don't know how to react as i can't believe this could happen on me. I told myself perhaps he just want me to take over the girls's shadow in his heart. He told me he feel so comfortable with me and can see the feeling of love when he is with me.
I was so scared that he might repeat what he did on me in form 2, so i reacted very weird. So we always argue. He always ask me: Are you Sue Wei? I reply:' Nope, I am Adelaide.' He was so sweet, he said he loves Adelaide but Sue Wei more, he loves Adelaide Chong Sue Wei.
We officially started on 14 july, but that day we quarrel also. I was so angry because he reacted so weird when i call him. I ask him what am I to him, why he treated me like this... He reply on fb and confest with me. He said he loves me on fb. But I never entertain him, I switch off my phone and go watch movie at klcc. He wanted to meet me so he try to go my house don't know why he went Ampang. When he reached my house, it was quite late and I was busying with my stuff.
15 july he fetch me back home after class. He bought a cream for me as i swollen my leg on 14 july. He promised my friend he will treat me well, he will not make me cry.
On 16 july we went for our first date. We went to KLCC and watch movie. Actually we planned to go Pavillion but at last he say wanna go KLCC. He was trying to hold my hand.. 'My hands are wet' he said, 'I am so nervous'..'can I hold ur hand?' thats how he holds my hand. He said:' I am not the prince but from now on you are my princess.' 'You are my prince, since form 2', i whispered in my heart. Our first movie- Twilight 3. There was so many sensitive scenes in the movie like kissing and so on. He keep laughing and laughing. After the movie, he ask me when about that.. I tried to kiss him, but he was so nervous so we stop. I told him actuallt I lied, I admire him since form 2 and I really loves him alot.
We always meet after that as we know we may have less time to meet after his class start. But I was believing that we may at least can meet once 1 or 2 weeks. At first he always come to college to meet me after class, but after that he starts to become very busy and no time to entertain me at all.
One day he was so lost, he told me nothing happen but i could felt something hiding. After that he told me one of his classmate falls for him but he had settle everything. They are only Kai ko Kai Mui. he never tells me because he don't want me think too much.
We always quarrel because don't have time to meet. He always complaint I keep disturbing him when he is busying, I always complaint he never spend time for me. He started to doubt his love to me.
During exam, he falls sick and was quite serious. I went his house. the moment i saw his face, my hear was so pain. I told myself i must take good care of him, need to make sure he won't sick anymore. He told me his college environment is vert cold, so i try to get him those singlet that able to keep warm, yet i bought a wrong size for him.
After that I started to fill up my time with all kinds of activities like part time jobs and hanging out with other friends. Mr M appear and keep telling me He doesn't loves me. Mr M keep doing all things to force me break up with Him. On the 101th day's morning, we break up. We was planning to break up temporary and we really hope if 1 day later after both of us settle all our things we can back together again.
Many things happen after that, he start to doubt as he think I hide many things for myself. He said his 7th sense tells him I am hiding something big that may clash him. But i didn't. He knows everything. perhaps i didn't tell him i keep contact with Mr M because of work, although Mr M doesn't think so. He dont believe me, he thinks i didn't put him in my world.
We did alot of things to retain our relationship but at last on 22 November he told me he doesn't love me anymore. He is in love with his so called kai mui- that girl who confested with him. He is in love with her since we was couple. That's how we end at last.
This guy, whom I am in love at my first sight, whom I knew I will be in trouble because of him, whom I always obeyed since form two, whom I always trust even when I know he is lying... even when he told me his birthday is on 29th Febuary... I trusted him.
this guy, whom know me more than myself, whom I believe he won't leave me no matter in what situation, whom he said he won't dump me, whom given me hope and reasons to live...dumped me due to unable to trust me.
he told others he tell me everything, I know everything, do I? Usually I only know about the big title after everything is settled, I don't have any idea on all the contents and breakdowns. when i ask him, he will said perhaps we are not in the same college thats why others know more than me. it works the same on his story with his so called kai mui. he told me he won't, he told me she is just kai mui and won't have any chances to go deeper than that. At last, he told me he loves her, doesn't love me anymore.
Form 1, he was a famous guy in his class. I was in the next class. Some of my friends were so admire him and always told me about him. After all these, I also started to fall for him.
Form 2, I confest with him.
Form 4, he told me he is in love with a girl secretly for many years. I wanted to help so I help him to tell that girl he loves her. that girl told me actually he sent letter for her before but she feels awful to accept him as he didn't does anything after that. So I told him to confest with the girl again face to face. Yet, at last he didn't follow what i said.
After secondary school, I work at Alpha Angle's Jusco. He came visit me few times. My bf was so upset as he know He is the one I always admired. So he did some weird things to force him to go.
Diploma, he was taking STPM at the same college with me. We met few times in the college. Went out for yc, went out for lunch... He became the classrep that time and he always complaint that his classmates doesn't work with him and he doesn't like his class. He seems a extra person in his class.
After STPM, he take about 1 year plus to think what he want and where he want to go after that. He ask me about my confest when we was form 2. Ask me how much do I love him. I lied to him and say actually I was just acting that time because my best friend felt that the guy she loved was loving me. I need to break that guy's heart by telling that guy actually I was in love with Him. I used him as a way to reject people. But he forgot..actually he accepted me when form 2. After he accepted me, I always wait him outside his class during recess time, but he always hide himself in the library. I always cry outside his class because he never entertain me at all.. until that day he push me to my first ex.
At last he choosed IT as he said he is interested on computering stuff. So he went UTAR and take foundation on it because he doesn't has any basic on accounting. I told him can find me for help as my accounting is ok.
He stop his foundation course after that as he think the course is not suitable for him and was quite upset as the 2nd girl he love became his friend's gf. Around that time also I broke up with my senior and was quite depressed. We chat quite often and came out for baskin robbin. He loves ice cream, same as me. Ice cream can help cooling down the spirit of anger and corbonhydrate in ice cream can help boosting human's brain (increasing glucose that reaches human brain,blood glucose can help making brain think better) and turn our thinking to be positive.
He always watch football (FIFA) because I watch it. Actually both of us don't really like football. I watch it because the guy I tried to tackle love it, he watch it because I watch it. Actually I was just following what Paul the Octoplus said in predicting which team will win. I never watch all the matches, but he watched for me and tell me the result. That time I love shakira, I love Waka waka...he loves it too. He said shakira is hot.
On 10th July he asked me to become his gf. I was very surprise, for so many years I was so admire him and at the end he become an idol fo me. Unbelievable, my idol confest to me! I don't know how to react as i can't believe this could happen on me. I told myself perhaps he just want me to take over the girls's shadow in his heart. He told me he feel so comfortable with me and can see the feeling of love when he is with me.
I was so scared that he might repeat what he did on me in form 2, so i reacted very weird. So we always argue. He always ask me: Are you Sue Wei? I reply:' Nope, I am Adelaide.' He was so sweet, he said he loves Adelaide but Sue Wei more, he loves Adelaide Chong Sue Wei.
We officially started on 14 july, but that day we quarrel also. I was so angry because he reacted so weird when i call him. I ask him what am I to him, why he treated me like this... He reply on fb and confest with me. He said he loves me on fb. But I never entertain him, I switch off my phone and go watch movie at klcc. He wanted to meet me so he try to go my house don't know why he went Ampang. When he reached my house, it was quite late and I was busying with my stuff.
15 july he fetch me back home after class. He bought a cream for me as i swollen my leg on 14 july. He promised my friend he will treat me well, he will not make me cry.
On 16 july we went for our first date. We went to KLCC and watch movie. Actually we planned to go Pavillion but at last he say wanna go KLCC. He was trying to hold my hand.. 'My hands are wet' he said, 'I am so nervous'..'can I hold ur hand?' thats how he holds my hand. He said:' I am not the prince but from now on you are my princess.' 'You are my prince, since form 2', i whispered in my heart. Our first movie- Twilight 3. There was so many sensitive scenes in the movie like kissing and so on. He keep laughing and laughing. After the movie, he ask me when about that.. I tried to kiss him, but he was so nervous so we stop. I told him actuallt I lied, I admire him since form 2 and I really loves him alot.
We always meet after that as we know we may have less time to meet after his class start. But I was believing that we may at least can meet once 1 or 2 weeks. At first he always come to college to meet me after class, but after that he starts to become very busy and no time to entertain me at all.
One day he was so lost, he told me nothing happen but i could felt something hiding. After that he told me one of his classmate falls for him but he had settle everything. They are only Kai ko Kai Mui. he never tells me because he don't want me think too much.
We always quarrel because don't have time to meet. He always complaint I keep disturbing him when he is busying, I always complaint he never spend time for me. He started to doubt his love to me.
During exam, he falls sick and was quite serious. I went his house. the moment i saw his face, my hear was so pain. I told myself i must take good care of him, need to make sure he won't sick anymore. He told me his college environment is vert cold, so i try to get him those singlet that able to keep warm, yet i bought a wrong size for him.
After that I started to fill up my time with all kinds of activities like part time jobs and hanging out with other friends. Mr M appear and keep telling me He doesn't loves me. Mr M keep doing all things to force me break up with Him. On the 101th day's morning, we break up. We was planning to break up temporary and we really hope if 1 day later after both of us settle all our things we can back together again.
Many things happen after that, he start to doubt as he think I hide many things for myself. He said his 7th sense tells him I am hiding something big that may clash him. But i didn't. He knows everything. perhaps i didn't tell him i keep contact with Mr M because of work, although Mr M doesn't think so. He dont believe me, he thinks i didn't put him in my world.
We did alot of things to retain our relationship but at last on 22 November he told me he doesn't love me anymore. He is in love with his so called kai mui- that girl who confested with him. He is in love with her since we was couple. That's how we end at last.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
男装表
朋友们都发现我换了只新表，对啊!一支男装表，我一向来买东西都很挑的，怎么会买支男装表带呢？
背后的原因：其实它原本是一份很有意义的礼物，是我要送他的情人节礼物。背后的意义是及时我不在身边，即使我去了英国，即使我们暂时分开了，我们的心会紧紧贴着对方，时间可以证明我们的爱情是坚固的。我要牢牢牵着你的手，你会带着我走近你的世界。
不过，现在你的手让别人牵了就不用我再送情人节礼物了，会有另一个人送你。
看着送你的男装表，想起那天你说手表坏了想等我的表坏了一起买，不过那天我妈妈刚好又买了新表给我，所以你就没再带表了。
你的表对我意义深刻，虽然你并不重视它的存在，它却代表着我对你的思念和等待。
王子，可能这真的是最后一次跟你用这种方式告白了，虽然现在的你不再重视我，虽然你已经有新的对象了，虽然你再也不会看我的面子书，不会再看我的部落格，我依然爱你。今天的张愫娓依然是你认识的小丸子，依然是你认识的大头虾，依然一样爱你。
背后的原因：其实它原本是一份很有意义的礼物，是我要送他的情人节礼物。背后的意义是及时我不在身边，即使我去了英国，即使我们暂时分开了，我们的心会紧紧贴着对方，时间可以证明我们的爱情是坚固的。我要牢牢牵着你的手，你会带着我走近你的世界。
不过，现在你的手让别人牵了就不用我再送情人节礼物了，会有另一个人送你。
看着送你的男装表，想起那天你说手表坏了想等我的表坏了一起买，不过那天我妈妈刚好又买了新表给我，所以你就没再带表了。
你的表对我意义深刻，虽然你并不重视它的存在，它却代表着我对你的思念和等待。
王子，可能这真的是最后一次跟你用这种方式告白了，虽然现在的你不再重视我，虽然你已经有新的对象了，虽然你再也不会看我的面子书，不会再看我的部落格，我依然爱你。今天的张愫娓依然是你认识的小丸子，依然是你认识的大头虾，依然一样爱你。
猜不透
如果忽远忽近的温柔使你要的自由 那我宁愿回到一个人生活
如果忽冷忽热的的洒脱是你的借口 那我宁愿对你从没认真过
这是丁当的猜不透，每次听到这首歌都有感同身受的感觉，都哭得很惨。对啊！像对他，我真的猜不透了！
为什么前一天你告诉其他人你很爱我，第二天你告诉我你不爱我了？为什么你总是可以这样子？为什么在我生日当天你告诉别人你很爱我，为什么第二天你要告诉我你不爱我了？你可知道要是那天你告诉我你爱我我可以马上把整件事处理干净？你一句话可以影响我很多你知道吗？你的一句话可以把我拉回来你知道吗？为什么你总是要这样把我推走？中二是这样，现在是这样！你为什么就不能把我拉着？为什么我要你走的时候你就是赖着不走，为什么当我是应你了你又要走？
你总是告诉我你把所有事情告诉我了，为什么我什么都不知道？为什么我什么都要等到发生甚至淡化了我才知道？
为什么我那么多为什么吗？是因为你！要是其他人我有必要这样吗？你问我为什么总是在这里写你，为什么没有别人，因为我只在乎你！只爱你！
其实我们可以不用去到那么绝不是吗？为什么你就是要这样？为什么你就是不会变？为什么你说了不会像以前这样丢下我，最后还是丢下我？
我真的不懂你，猜不透你。虽然你总是跟别人说我懂你最多，我想我应该是最不懂你的
如果忽冷忽热的的洒脱是你的借口 那我宁愿对你从没认真过
这是丁当的猜不透，每次听到这首歌都有感同身受的感觉，都哭得很惨。对啊！像对他，我真的猜不透了！
为什么前一天你告诉其他人你很爱我，第二天你告诉我你不爱我了？为什么你总是可以这样子？为什么在我生日当天你告诉别人你很爱我，为什么第二天你要告诉我你不爱我了？你可知道要是那天你告诉我你爱我我可以马上把整件事处理干净？你一句话可以影响我很多你知道吗？你的一句话可以把我拉回来你知道吗？为什么你总是要这样把我推走？中二是这样，现在是这样！你为什么就不能把我拉着？为什么我要你走的时候你就是赖着不走，为什么当我是应你了你又要走？
你总是告诉我你把所有事情告诉我了，为什么我什么都不知道？为什么我什么都要等到发生甚至淡化了我才知道？
为什么我那么多为什么吗？是因为你！要是其他人我有必要这样吗？你问我为什么总是在这里写你，为什么没有别人，因为我只在乎你！只爱你！
其实我们可以不用去到那么绝不是吗？为什么你就是要这样？为什么你就是不会变？为什么你说了不会像以前这样丢下我，最后还是丢下我？
我真的不懂你，猜不透你。虽然你总是跟别人说我懂你最多，我想我应该是最不懂你的
单身？不简单~
'好不容易脱身，我才不要那么快把自己绑回去那个圈圈呢!'其实有谁又能马上适应单身生活呢？不过说真的，我真的有点怕了。很怕那种一年被几个人‘飞’的感觉，够恐怖的!而且还要是我被飞了后他马上找到新女朋友那种！这种恐怖，千万千万不要乱乱领教！
左选右选，为了选个自认最好的，到头来还不是一样的结局吗？原本想到选一个自己最好的朋友他应该最了解自己，应该明白自己是个怎样的人，应该明白自己的处事方式。不过啊~相爱总是简单，相处太难~
我不是那种很容易喜欢一个人的人，可能要用很长时间去融化，去感动，才能踏入一段感情的状况。可能就这样，当你真正爱上那个人的时候他已经变心了；当我发现那个人已经变心的时候，又很难从那种状态抽身；所以如果你现在叫我当谁女朋友的，抱歉，我真的怕怕了！
单身很多事都不同了，不能七早八早吵老公仔起床，不能有事没事想念人（没有对象让你想了），得空没事做就脑袋放空...不能动不动就闹，不能动不动就笑，因为没有理由了。不能想去哪里都找到人陪，要学习自立，为上帝活(像为自己活多一点）,要自己起床吃药，月事期间要自己提醒自己不能喝冷饮，吃雪糕。
前两天我的好朋友说我最近变了，我不再会乖乖听话，不再爱当付出多那个，总是计算着他给我多少我还他多少。其实，如果你是我你也会变成这样的。当你总是给很多，总是盼望很多，总是有很长远的打算但对方总是给你很少，陪你很少，给人家很多的时候你渐渐也会学着收敛些，给少些。当他总是说他答应了就会尽力做到，但总是做不到，你又会怎样？但，不代表不爱了。
他上次假期才发现我最近总是把时间排得满满的，问我有事吗？我回他其实他应该问自己它给了多少时间我，剩下来的时间我是不是应该自己去填满呢？开学，他又打回原型了，这次甚至变本加厉，爱上别人了。其实这样可能好的，毕竟他们比较近，可以一起上学放学，可以一起读书做功课。这叫近水楼台先得月，明白吗？
他总是吵着要我把事情处理好，要我跟那个不速之客划清界限，要我坦白，但他有做到吗？他有有跟她划清吗？他总是告诉我他们是兄妹关系，结果跟背叛我有分别吗？为什么他的不坦白可以是为了不要让我想那么多，我的不可以是同一个原因？最后他还说了，如果我要这样想随我去想。
其实挺怀念他生病的时候，那时刚好我考试，天天打电话吵他吃药，考试完毕就去找他。其实那一阵子哪是在读书的？结果两科不及格咯！所以可能还是乖乖读书好~
挺怀念他骂人的声音，他很少骂人，只有在很在乎的人面前会这样。他骂人的声音其实是很另类的关心，毕竟他不太会关心女友。
咳~单身？不简单啊！
左选右选，为了选个自认最好的，到头来还不是一样的结局吗？原本想到选一个自己最好的朋友他应该最了解自己，应该明白自己是个怎样的人，应该明白自己的处事方式。不过啊~相爱总是简单，相处太难~
我不是那种很容易喜欢一个人的人，可能要用很长时间去融化，去感动，才能踏入一段感情的状况。可能就这样，当你真正爱上那个人的时候他已经变心了；当我发现那个人已经变心的时候，又很难从那种状态抽身；所以如果你现在叫我当谁女朋友的，抱歉，我真的怕怕了！
单身很多事都不同了，不能七早八早吵老公仔起床，不能有事没事想念人（没有对象让你想了），得空没事做就脑袋放空...不能动不动就闹，不能动不动就笑，因为没有理由了。不能想去哪里都找到人陪，要学习自立，为上帝活(像为自己活多一点）,要自己起床吃药，月事期间要自己提醒自己不能喝冷饮，吃雪糕。
前两天我的好朋友说我最近变了，我不再会乖乖听话，不再爱当付出多那个，总是计算着他给我多少我还他多少。其实，如果你是我你也会变成这样的。当你总是给很多，总是盼望很多，总是有很长远的打算但对方总是给你很少，陪你很少，给人家很多的时候你渐渐也会学着收敛些，给少些。当他总是说他答应了就会尽力做到，但总是做不到，你又会怎样？但，不代表不爱了。
他上次假期才发现我最近总是把时间排得满满的，问我有事吗？我回他其实他应该问自己它给了多少时间我，剩下来的时间我是不是应该自己去填满呢？开学，他又打回原型了，这次甚至变本加厉，爱上别人了。其实这样可能好的，毕竟他们比较近，可以一起上学放学，可以一起读书做功课。这叫近水楼台先得月，明白吗？
他总是吵着要我把事情处理好，要我跟那个不速之客划清界限，要我坦白，但他有做到吗？他有有跟她划清吗？他总是告诉我他们是兄妹关系，结果跟背叛我有分别吗？为什么他的不坦白可以是为了不要让我想那么多，我的不可以是同一个原因？最后他还说了，如果我要这样想随我去想。
其实挺怀念他生病的时候，那时刚好我考试，天天打电话吵他吃药，考试完毕就去找他。其实那一阵子哪是在读书的？结果两科不及格咯！所以可能还是乖乖读书好~
挺怀念他骂人的声音，他很少骂人，只有在很在乎的人面前会这样。他骂人的声音其实是很另类的关心，毕竟他不太会关心女友。
咳~单身？不简单啊！
Friday, December 10, 2010
笑吧，朋友!
最近很喜欢上学，不是因为学校同学特别好，还是老师很好，是因为guard很好！
我很喜欢每天踏进学校之前看到她很灿烂的笑容，一开始只是想礼貌回她一个微笑，久而久之就发现我会带着那个笑容走进班上课。
虽然我们不曾对话，可是看到她总是有一种很喜悦的心情。她的样子很严肃，可能那是当保安应有的威严，但她笑起来的样子很慈祥，好像看到你好好的朋友一样热情，像阳光一样温暖，像微风一样柔和；能让人忘了接下来的烦恼，上学的压力。
笑很重要，能改变世界。可能一个微笑就能救活一个正要寻死的人。
笑能给人力量，能给人希望，能给人鼓励！
无论多么不如意，别忘了世界上的某个角落可能还有人恋着你的笑容~
我很喜欢每天踏进学校之前看到她很灿烂的笑容，一开始只是想礼貌回她一个微笑，久而久之就发现我会带着那个笑容走进班上课。
虽然我们不曾对话，可是看到她总是有一种很喜悦的心情。她的样子很严肃，可能那是当保安应有的威严，但她笑起来的样子很慈祥，好像看到你好好的朋友一样热情，像阳光一样温暖，像微风一样柔和；能让人忘了接下来的烦恼，上学的压力。
笑很重要，能改变世界。可能一个微笑就能救活一个正要寻死的人。
笑能给人力量，能给人希望，能给人鼓励！
无论多么不如意，别忘了世界上的某个角落可能还有人恋着你的笑容~
Thursday, December 9, 2010
主要开道路
主要开道路 在旷野无路之处 虽未看见 他已看顾 他要为我开道路
他是我依靠 领我靠近他怀抱 爱和力量 日日帮助 他要开道路 他要开道路!
最近很多事情发生，很多不速之客跳进我的生活，很多预料之外的事情发生，但我知道上帝从来没有放弃过我。我一向不是个很虔诚的基督徒，可能曾经蛮热心教会，不过现在... 我不太爱到处宣扬我是基督徒，重来没有特地活出基督的样式，但至少我知道什么该做什么不该做。我的座右铭是：做回自己！不要伪装！开心就开心，不开心就发泄！我一向很少宣扬上帝的恩典，但我知道他真的很爱我，从来不会放弃我！
最近真的被逼到块崩溃了，事情总不会像我所要的发生。两个男生，一个是我很爱的，一个是很爱我的，当要二选一时，你会如何选？
我向上帝哭求要那个不速之客离开我的世界，结果他却一直不放过我，逼着要我留下。上帝说，‘他要开道路！’那天我在教会哭得很惨。我以为上帝没有听到，其实他有在垂听，他知道我很痛，他知道我很累。
当然，我只爱国！只是经过这些事情之后他已经不再爱我了，他要我放手，他爱上别人了。他是我的重心，是我的核心，重心了要怎样活？心脏死了还能活吗？他就这样离开我了。结果我两天吃不下东西，我问上帝：‘为什么这样？’他说，‘他要开道路！’
对！他会开道路！他会给我最好的！并不是因为我有什么特别好，是因为在上帝眼里我是特别的,因为我是他创造的！
其实期间我也发现我做了很多不对的事：
1。没有爱惜自己的身体-上帝说身体是他的殿，要爱惜身体，我居然不吃东西让自己胃痛
2。有自杀的念头-上帝说不可轻生，在思想上犯罪也算犯罪，我居然明知自己不能捐血还闹要捐血
3。怀疑上帝-上帝有自己的时间，他总会把事情放在最恰当的时间发生，不要怀疑，要耐心等待
4。定睛在人-上帝说人会让人跌倒，人会让人失去信心。当定睛仰望上帝！我不该把信心专注在国身上
愿上帝饶恕，带领我走他的路。
他是我依靠 领我靠近他怀抱 爱和力量 日日帮助 他要开道路 他要开道路!
最近很多事情发生，很多不速之客跳进我的生活，很多预料之外的事情发生，但我知道上帝从来没有放弃过我。我一向不是个很虔诚的基督徒，可能曾经蛮热心教会，不过现在... 我不太爱到处宣扬我是基督徒，重来没有特地活出基督的样式，但至少我知道什么该做什么不该做。我的座右铭是：做回自己！不要伪装！开心就开心，不开心就发泄！我一向很少宣扬上帝的恩典，但我知道他真的很爱我，从来不会放弃我！
最近真的被逼到块崩溃了，事情总不会像我所要的发生。两个男生，一个是我很爱的，一个是很爱我的，当要二选一时，你会如何选？
我向上帝哭求要那个不速之客离开我的世界，结果他却一直不放过我，逼着要我留下。上帝说，‘他要开道路！’那天我在教会哭得很惨。我以为上帝没有听到，其实他有在垂听，他知道我很痛，他知道我很累。
当然，我只爱国！只是经过这些事情之后他已经不再爱我了，他要我放手，他爱上别人了。他是我的重心，是我的核心，重心了要怎样活？心脏死了还能活吗？他就这样离开我了。结果我两天吃不下东西，我问上帝：‘为什么这样？’他说，‘他要开道路！’
对！他会开道路！他会给我最好的！并不是因为我有什么特别好，是因为在上帝眼里我是特别的,因为我是他创造的！
其实期间我也发现我做了很多不对的事：
1。没有爱惜自己的身体-上帝说身体是他的殿，要爱惜身体，我居然不吃东西让自己胃痛
2。有自杀的念头-上帝说不可轻生，在思想上犯罪也算犯罪，我居然明知自己不能捐血还闹要捐血
3。怀疑上帝-上帝有自己的时间，他总会把事情放在最恰当的时间发生，不要怀疑，要耐心等待
4。定睛在人-上帝说人会让人跌倒，人会让人失去信心。当定睛仰望上帝！我不该把信心专注在国身上
愿上帝饶恕，带领我走他的路。
Sunday, December 5, 2010
You said you should've accepted me while we was form 2, we should've started long time ago.
You said you were so regret for not started with me earlier so that I need not to go through so many things..
Yet dumped me like others, you are just like the others. No different!
I am so stupid,
I shouldn't hope for miracle happen
I should've know we are world apart
the prince should be with princess, not me
Adelaide Chong, Please wake up!!!~!
You said you were so regret for not started with me earlier so that I need not to go through so many things..
Yet dumped me like others, you are just like the others. No different!
I am so stupid,
I shouldn't hope for miracle happen
I should've know we are world apart
the prince should be with princess, not me
Adelaide Chong, Please wake up!!!~!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Looking at the picture of the guy I love...perhaps I love him too much. He told me he doesn't like comparing yet I keep repeating the same mistake, actually I really hope one day he will hug me and tell me he loves me more than I love him...
He told me his love for me had changed, more doubts and pressure contained. I was totally blank after I got this message. This message keep spining and spining in my mind, makes me felt so blur and so stress. It makes me unable to control my anger and my reaction...I can't think at all... I was keep believing we still have chance, we still have hope, but now you tell me you don't love me anymore...
Anyway, I am still alive as usual. Haven't really do anything to hurt myself...( I guess I won't this time, at least I stil can eat). Although feel so empty inside, like the support in me has lost, but I still alive don't I? Pretend to be good, pretend to be fine...thats all I can do...
Perhaps I need a break.
He told me his love for me had changed, more doubts and pressure contained. I was totally blank after I got this message. This message keep spining and spining in my mind, makes me felt so blur and so stress. It makes me unable to control my anger and my reaction...I can't think at all... I was keep believing we still have chance, we still have hope, but now you tell me you don't love me anymore...
Anyway, I am still alive as usual. Haven't really do anything to hurt myself...( I guess I won't this time, at least I stil can eat). Although feel so empty inside, like the support in me has lost, but I still alive don't I? Pretend to be good, pretend to be fine...thats all I can do...
Perhaps I need a break.
12nd Nov 2010
Another day fills with doubts and questions. I really wish to get myself a new brain that will not ask 'why'... Perhaps thats my problem, I should correct myself rather than blaming others.
Anyway, I had an exciting morning whereby quarrel with 2 guys at once. I wonder how i made it.. This 2 fella...Mr A tell me stop contacting with Mr B, Mr B scolded me for why still contacting with Mr B...faint~~ I told my friend: If one day later I got psycho, it's because of these two guys... they have to take responsible on it.
These 2 guys affected my whole day mood and caused me forgot all the formulaes for the exam... luckily calculation is just a minor part of the paper...
Anyway, I had an exciting morning whereby quarrel with 2 guys at once. I wonder how i made it.. This 2 fella...Mr A tell me stop contacting with Mr B, Mr B scolded me for why still contacting with Mr B...faint~~ I told my friend: If one day later I got psycho, it's because of these two guys... they have to take responsible on it.
These 2 guys affected my whole day mood and caused me forgot all the formulaes for the exam... luckily calculation is just a minor part of the paper...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
My Prince
About my prince- Ivan
- Love spicy food, but his head will be itchy after eat too much spicy things.
- Hate liars and betrayers. Don't like me to keep anything for myself and not sharing with him. Want me always share everything with him. He wants to be the first one who knows if any good or bad things happen on me.
- Rarely give promises. He will try his best to do whatever he promised. Although until now he still owe me alot of things... erm.. eg. Bukit Tinggi, Pulau Ketam, Pavilion's GSC, the Shah Alam's botanic garden (don't really rmb it's name), Genting, Fullhouse...too many..
- Don't like fine dining. He prefer somewhere allow him to talk and act normal instead of those high class place.
- Have sensitive nose. Especially on perfume. So I only can put light perfume when I go out with him.
- Don't like to eat medicine. Dont eat when sick.. Must force him to eat meals n medicine on time.
- Don't like people disturb him when he really stressed out. He will not answer your calls or even decline your calls. And will not reply your message too.
- He will think alot or jealous, although he won't tell you or admit that he jealous, but you can see from his face expression.
- He will feel very happy if anyone buy something for him or remember his birthday. He doesn't like to tell people his birthday yet want people to remember it. What a weird guy...but I love him alot!!!
- Don't like to let others to know where he stays, don't like to tell people too much about himself.
11 nov
Went out with Ivan today, really wish to hold his hand and hug him as usual...but I can't, he didn't allowed me to do so, that time only I realised we had broke up... Suddenly wake up from dream...
He told me he do love me twice after the break up yet don't know why I am still doubting myself. I am not good enough to be his gf.
Today he told me about Susan, he was so down this few days because of her. I was quite upset after I know about that..suddenly feel so hopeless...can we continue? Is there any hope for us to move on? Does he loves me?
Hug him before i go back home, he seems so scared...keep asking am i ok...actually I am not, you should know that, I AM NOT GOOD!!! You can see it, you can feel it, I know you can...
He told me he do love me twice after the break up yet don't know why I am still doubting myself. I am not good enough to be his gf.
Today he told me about Susan, he was so down this few days because of her. I was quite upset after I know about that..suddenly feel so hopeless...can we continue? Is there any hope for us to move on? Does he loves me?
Hug him before i go back home, he seems so scared...keep asking am i ok...actually I am not, you should know that, I AM NOT GOOD!!! You can see it, you can feel it, I know you can...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Another upset night
Another day he didn't sms or call me again. He is too busy sometimes. Wondering what keeps him busying again, he would never tell me. Even if he does, I don't think I can 100% understand his situation as well, slowly he started to keep everything with himself again. I shouldn't ask too much or else he will feel stress or feel like hiding away from me, he said so.
Although we know each other so long, sometimes I will felt piss off due to his style- cold cold style. I remember when he started to approach me, he was so nice and always stick with me and watch football with me...it seems so far away when I look back now, maybe this is so called aquarius style, scorpio will never understand them.
Suddenly reminded he said he might be too busy until forget my birthday after I saw the Barney Birthday Cake. This is my 21st birthday, I thought I should celebrate with him. I thought he knows I really wish to celebrate with him. I was believing he will be with me that day...I told him when we were first started, but i guess he had forgotten everything I said. Perhaps I should blame myself, why am I born on November? Why not July? Why not when he is free? Or I should think twice now, should I continue or just let go?
barney bday cake
Many friends celebrating birthday around this, freaking tired due to keep thinking what to buy for the present for each friend...different friend have different taste and different style, so need to think differently lo! this eat up alot of my brain's space...
Accidently saw a cake's photo, Barney Cake! I guess many people also know that Barney is my favourate cartoon..hahahaha... SeeSee always scold me for being so childish and like this kind of cartoon...
I want to have this cake leh...but i guess it must be very very expensive..and...don't know can eat or not..hahahaha...Perhaps even if somebody buy me this I also don't know how to eat it...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Quarrel with Ivan last night. He said he is too busy with all his friends and academic matters and he has no time for himself. He started to feel stress whenever I call him and started to don't feeling like picking up my calls. He said wanna break up with me as he feel more comfortable when we are friends. He think I might meet someone better and he doesn't want me to lost my opportunity to meet a new and better guy. This is the second time he said break up but I refuse to do so. Sounds cheap huh?! I don't wanna let go, I don't think breaking up is a good way to solve the problems and it's impossible for us to go back together once we breakup. Love is not a computer system, no undo, no redo, no cut and paste!
He always thought our problems occur because he is too busy but actually what I really want was honestly. He is not a good liar, whenever something is not right I can sence it eventhough he refuse to admit.
He always thought our problems occur because he is too busy but actually what I really want was honestly. He is not a good liar, whenever something is not right I can sence it eventhough he refuse to admit.
Braces (ortho)
Finally took off the braces, a weird feeling appear from the bottom of my heart. Yea, it had accompany me for one and half years. A lot of things had changed within this one and half years. From a noob girl who always dream for fairytales kind of future, until becoming more and more aggressive and materialistic, until one day later where I lost everything I had...until today trying to stand up again.
Remember the first day after I extracted first two teeth I went back home by public bus with the bleeding mouth and wool with blood. All the passanger stare at me like I am the monster, a little stared at me all way long with frighten eyes~
The 1st day when I step into the lecture class after the braces, the classmates all asking why do I do this..Yea, as most people know, my teeth wasn't very serious and it's fine even if i didn't waste the RM5K for the ortho...but...I want to be prettier ma! Cannot meh?!
Months later when people started to use to my new look (with braces), most people start saying I look prettier after put on braces (perhaps I am??! hahaha..) Anyway, I do feel more confident with myself and the braces had differentiate me with others (at that moment, I was the only one with braces in my class).
Finally taken off everything. Suddenly hate my teeth so much, it is so big! I wonder why didn't I realised that when I am wearing braces. Anyway, it's impossible for me to put it on again~ what I have now is RETAINER that I might need to wear for whole life. But I know myself, I wont be so good girl and wear it for whole life~ hahahaha
Remember the first day after I extracted first two teeth I went back home by public bus with the bleeding mouth and wool with blood. All the passanger stare at me like I am the monster, a little stared at me all way long with frighten eyes~
The 1st day when I step into the lecture class after the braces, the classmates all asking why do I do this..Yea, as most people know, my teeth wasn't very serious and it's fine even if i didn't waste the RM5K for the ortho...but...I want to be prettier ma! Cannot meh?!
Months later when people started to use to my new look (with braces), most people start saying I look prettier after put on braces (perhaps I am??! hahaha..) Anyway, I do feel more confident with myself and the braces had differentiate me with others (at that moment, I was the only one with braces in my class).
Finally taken off everything. Suddenly hate my teeth so much, it is so big! I wonder why didn't I realised that when I am wearing braces. Anyway, it's impossible for me to put it on again~ what I have now is RETAINER that I might need to wear for whole life. But I know myself, I wont be so good girl and wear it for whole life~ hahahaha
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Special moment with my beloved Prince INCK
我认识你那一天，我十三岁，你十四岁，因为你年头出世我年尾出世。
你说你二月二十九日出世，我居然很白痴地走回班拿日历找二月二十九日要记录你的生日。
第一次告白，你回答我说天要下雨了，那时明明就天气晴朗！
我问你：＂受不受泡？＂你却：＂手铐？！＂
你送的十四岁生日礼物（糖果）我一直不舍得吃，结果被弟弟们吃完了。
你说你不会广东话，结果第一次去你家却发现你跟弟弟们都说广东话...
中学时候我很粗鲁，很TB。你虽然整天摆着一本正经的样子，实际上很捣蛋，很喜欢欺负矮过你的人，无端端跑来惹我敲我的头，结果给我打到半死。
你习惯八字脚走路，跟我一起后连走路都要重新学习。
第一次约会，你把车泊到跟旁边的车贴在一起，结果我下不了车。
你学人家告白，表情跟说出来的话完全不协调，讲出来像讲笑话多过告白。笑到我肚子痛！
我常常偷拍你，因为我想捕抓我们在一起的每一分一秒，生怕不小心把任何一刻丢了。
你生病的时候很无赖！不喜欢吃药，喜欢吃冰块！病重时候不吃饭就吃药，结果吃了药头昏就说医生不懂开了什么药给你，吃了更不舒服。喜欢偷懒不吃药，我得每四个小时就吵你起来吃药，不然你就偷懒。
我说过一次我喜欢吃上海月饼，记性不太好的你却记着了，还买了一盒不同牌子的上海月饼给我做惊喜。我光看到那个月饼盒就感动到要哭了。
老公仔，我真的不知道应该如何让你觉得我真的真的很爱你。可能我还做得不够，可是我会尽力做更多的。我爱你！
Monday, September 6, 2010
Liberated!!
"We'll sing Hallelujah~~ We'll sing Hallelujah~~~" Change by Taylor Swift keep repeating in my mind. Hooray! Finally I am released from the hell of study- Exam! I believe no one love exam, although it doesn't seems a problem to me while I was in primary school. I don't believe in burning last minutes oil at that moment, however after more and more academic and non-academic related activities started to move into my life, I changed my habit on doing revision early to do revision last minutes.
After stepping out from the exam hall, I am starting to worried about my result. How pity but that's student's life, no one can control over it or solve it. I didn't really did great in most of my papers (beside Moral dan Etika), althought I could write alot in most of the exam yet I am not confident with my answers and I started to recall back alot of important points that I didn't wrote on the answer scripts.
Multinational Finance, that should be the best paper I could do but it's the worst now. I am over confident on the future hedge and market hedge part yet all gone wrong. Actually the main reason behind is I didn't read the question properly, I only highlighted the figures things and ignore all other things. Whole question gone wrong, 20 marks bye bye~
Commercial Bank Management, that's my killing point. I thought I paid enough attention in the lecture classes so I skipped the theory parts and focused my study on calculations (Oftenly I have no problem in blowing and bullshitting in the theory parts and my killing point is on calculations). Who knows, I forgot the formulaes and I can't write a single word in the theory parts. Gosh! I was damn panic that time and I know I am definately going to fail it. I did an estimation on my marks and sum it up, no way for me to past it, the most I could get is 40+, not even 50 yet. Until last 10 minutes only I realise actually I could do well in the question I skipped (Section B question- 4 question choose 3 out of it). Thus, I am forced to do the question I know within 10 minutes. Surely, I won't have enough time to finish the question which need half an hour to write within the 10 minutes and the worst part is I forgot to cancel out the worst question I did in previous! So, in the end in my answer scripts consisted of 5 questions' answer but most of it are blank pages. I hope the examiner won't fail me by ignoring my last question's answer... I believe I could at least gain some marks there.
Anyway, exam is over means OVER. Useless to regret on anything. Just pray hard that I can at least past all. But don't know why something inside me makes me feel happier to fail my MF as well CBM, at least I can have another chance to do it better and I believe I can do it much better if I can have another chance... although it's resit.
Liberate= I am FREE FROM EXAM!!! Hooray! Let's cheer!
After stepping out from the exam hall, I am starting to worried about my result. How pity but that's student's life, no one can control over it or solve it. I didn't really did great in most of my papers (beside Moral dan Etika), althought I could write alot in most of the exam yet I am not confident with my answers and I started to recall back alot of important points that I didn't wrote on the answer scripts.
Multinational Finance, that should be the best paper I could do but it's the worst now. I am over confident on the future hedge and market hedge part yet all gone wrong. Actually the main reason behind is I didn't read the question properly, I only highlighted the figures things and ignore all other things. Whole question gone wrong, 20 marks bye bye~
Commercial Bank Management, that's my killing point. I thought I paid enough attention in the lecture classes so I skipped the theory parts and focused my study on calculations (Oftenly I have no problem in blowing and bullshitting in the theory parts and my killing point is on calculations). Who knows, I forgot the formulaes and I can't write a single word in the theory parts. Gosh! I was damn panic that time and I know I am definately going to fail it. I did an estimation on my marks and sum it up, no way for me to past it, the most I could get is 40+, not even 50 yet. Until last 10 minutes only I realise actually I could do well in the question I skipped (Section B question- 4 question choose 3 out of it). Thus, I am forced to do the question I know within 10 minutes. Surely, I won't have enough time to finish the question which need half an hour to write within the 10 minutes and the worst part is I forgot to cancel out the worst question I did in previous! So, in the end in my answer scripts consisted of 5 questions' answer but most of it are blank pages. I hope the examiner won't fail me by ignoring my last question's answer... I believe I could at least gain some marks there.
Anyway, exam is over means OVER. Useless to regret on anything. Just pray hard that I can at least past all. But don't know why something inside me makes me feel happier to fail my MF as well CBM, at least I can have another chance to do it better and I believe I can do it much better if I can have another chance... although it's resit.
Liberate= I am FREE FROM EXAM!!! Hooray! Let's cheer!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Experience
Experience is your asset, it's intangible and non-transmitable, no one will ever understand your experience no matter how you trying to share as it is deeply within you and it's personally.
Experience is Bitter and hurting, no one will like to look back or be able to look back your wounds.
Experience is sweet as it makes you grow. It built your personal and characteristic as you grow up.
Experience is unforgetable and undeniable. No one can erase your history as it is part of your life.
Keep your experience in your mind but not in heart. It's unfair to make your love to share your heart with the one hurt you. Heart is the special place just for the one love you and the one worth to have your love.
Experience is Bitter and hurting, no one will like to look back or be able to look back your wounds.
Experience is sweet as it makes you grow. It built your personal and characteristic as you grow up.
Experience is unforgetable and undeniable. No one can erase your history as it is part of your life.
Keep your experience in your mind but not in heart. It's unfair to make your love to share your heart with the one hurt you. Heart is the special place just for the one love you and the one worth to have your love.
What will I feel and do if I ever meet him again?
Got a bad dream this afternoon while napping. Someone left for a very long period (about 7 months) appeared again in my mind. Was it a bad sign or is it just an image? I wonder.. Anyway, that's shows that he is still part of my life, maybe not really in my life but he is there in my history, part of my grown up's journey and this is unremoverable and unable to deny. He was once my everything, my aim, my guidiance, the reason for me to work hard.. My life ruined totally after he left, at least for 5months I was living in hell.
About me and him.
He was my senior during tertiary study. He was the final year student and I was the third year student. For coincidence, we both left message on a lecturer's wall (facebook wall) and from there we know each other.
He is a brilian guy, with very good result. That's was my first sem in third year (we call it advance diploma). He guide me along the way of study, give me short notes he made, accompany me when I was in bad mood, give me tuition classes.. And soon later we went out for our first date (23 January 2010). That night he confessed with me face to face and we officially started. We chat in the car until 5am. The next day, he posted the news on fb but not much people understand what is it about except both of us. He told me I was the first girl who able to reach his heart during his tertiary school time, he always complaint why we didn't meet earlier so that we can start earlier and have more time getting together. He swore he will compensate my bad childhood and what I've been through with his heart and his love.
We was very happy everyday, life is just like fairy tales. I always think that he must be coming from somewhere in the heaven, a present from above. He is not belongs to the earth, he is just too perfect and I am so blessed to get such good man. Life's goes so smooth until 9 Febuary. Actually, question marks started to pop out and I don't know how to ask or tell him what I felt... So I decided to burn it. That's me, I want all or nothing. And he agreed to break up.
While I deleting my message in his phone, I discovered another girl quite close with him, Meiz Tan. Yea, she is the first girl appeared in his message list after my name. 2 weeks later after the break up, he started with this girl. That's what makes me pain, I trusted him 100% and that's what he gave me as return. I choose to ignore what I feel in order to trust but that's what I got.
This experience taught me a great lesson, don't ever trust anyone 100% so that you won't get hurt, not even your love ones. Sweet talks are not trustable.
Luckily, I have my prince with me now, although alot of time things are not as perfect as what we thought but at least we try to give as much as we could to each other. I love him alot but although sometimes I may doubt him but thanks god for he is so understanding and accept everything about me.
That dream left me a question: What will I feel and do if I ever meet him again?
About me and him.
He was my senior during tertiary study. He was the final year student and I was the third year student. For coincidence, we both left message on a lecturer's wall (facebook wall) and from there we know each other.
He is a brilian guy, with very good result. That's was my first sem in third year (we call it advance diploma). He guide me along the way of study, give me short notes he made, accompany me when I was in bad mood, give me tuition classes.. And soon later we went out for our first date (23 January 2010). That night he confessed with me face to face and we officially started. We chat in the car until 5am. The next day, he posted the news on fb but not much people understand what is it about except both of us. He told me I was the first girl who able to reach his heart during his tertiary school time, he always complaint why we didn't meet earlier so that we can start earlier and have more time getting together. He swore he will compensate my bad childhood and what I've been through with his heart and his love.
We was very happy everyday, life is just like fairy tales. I always think that he must be coming from somewhere in the heaven, a present from above. He is not belongs to the earth, he is just too perfect and I am so blessed to get such good man. Life's goes so smooth until 9 Febuary. Actually, question marks started to pop out and I don't know how to ask or tell him what I felt... So I decided to burn it. That's me, I want all or nothing. And he agreed to break up.
While I deleting my message in his phone, I discovered another girl quite close with him, Meiz Tan. Yea, she is the first girl appeared in his message list after my name. 2 weeks later after the break up, he started with this girl. That's what makes me pain, I trusted him 100% and that's what he gave me as return. I choose to ignore what I feel in order to trust but that's what I got.
This experience taught me a great lesson, don't ever trust anyone 100% so that you won't get hurt, not even your love ones. Sweet talks are not trustable.
Luckily, I have my prince with me now, although alot of time things are not as perfect as what we thought but at least we try to give as much as we could to each other. I love him alot but although sometimes I may doubt him but thanks god for he is so understanding and accept everything about me.
That dream left me a question: What will I feel and do if I ever meet him again?
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