Another upset night

Another day he didn't sms or call me again. He is too busy sometimes. Wondering what keeps him busying again, he would never tell me. Even if he does, I don't think I can 100% understand his situation as well, slowly he started to keep everything with himself again. I shouldn't ask too much or else he will feel stress or feel like hiding away from me, he said so.

Although we know each other so long, sometimes I will felt piss off due to his style- cold cold style. I remember when he started to approach me, he was so nice and always stick with me and watch football with me...it seems so far away when I look back now, maybe this is so called aquarius style, scorpio will never understand them.

Suddenly reminded he said he might be too busy until forget my birthday after I saw the Barney Birthday Cake. This is my 21st birthday, I thought I should celebrate with him. I thought he knows I really wish to celebrate with him. I was believing he will be with me that day...I told him when we were first started, but i guess he had forgotten everything I said. Perhaps I should blame myself, why am I born on November? Why not July? Why not when he is free? Or I should think twice now, should I continue or just let go?

barney bday cake

Many friends celebrating birthday around this, freaking tired due to keep thinking what to buy for the present for each friend...different friend have different taste and different style, so need to think differently lo! this eat up alot of my brain's space...

Accidently saw a cake's photo, Barney Cake! I guess many people also know that Barney is my favourate cartoon..hahahaha... SeeSee always scold me for being so childish and like this kind of cartoon...

I want to have this cake leh...but i guess it must be very very expensive..and...don't know can eat or not..hahahaha...
Perhaps even if somebody buy me this I also don't know how to eat it...

Quarrel with Ivan last night. He said he is too busy with all his friends and academic matters and he has no time for himself. He started to feel stress whenever I call him and started to don't feeling like picking up my calls. He said wanna break up with me as he feel more comfortable when we are friends. He think I might meet someone better and he doesn't want me to lost my opportunity to meet a new and better guy. This is the second time he said break up but I refuse to do so. Sounds cheap huh?! I don't wanna let go, I don't think breaking up is a good way to solve the problems and it's impossible for us to go back together once we breakup. Love is not a computer system, no undo, no redo, no cut and paste!

He always thought our problems occur because he is too busy but actually what I really want was honestly. He is not a good liar, whenever something is not right I can sence it eventhough he refuse to admit.

Braces (ortho)

Finally took off the braces, a weird feeling appear from the bottom of my heart. Yea, it had accompany me for one and half years. A lot of things had changed within this one and half years. From a noob girl who always dream for fairytales kind of future, until becoming more and more aggressive and materialistic, until one day later where I lost everything I had...until today trying to stand up again.

Remember the first day after I extracted first two teeth I went back home by public bus with the bleeding mouth and wool with blood. All the passanger stare at me like I am the monster, a little stared at me all way long with frighten eyes~

The 1st day when I step into the lecture class after the braces, the classmates all asking why do I do this..Yea, as most people know, my teeth wasn't very serious and it's fine even if i didn't waste the RM5K for the ortho...but...I want to be prettier ma! Cannot meh?!

Months later when people started to use to my new look (with braces), most people start saying I look prettier after put on braces (perhaps I am??! hahaha..) Anyway, I do feel more confident with myself and the braces had differentiate me with others (at that moment, I was the only one with braces in my class).

Finally taken off everything. Suddenly hate my teeth so much, it is so big! I wonder why didn't I realised that when I am wearing braces. Anyway, it's impossible for me to put it on again~ what I have now is RETAINER that I might need to wear for whole life. But I know myself, I wont be so good girl and wear it for whole life~ hahahaha

Special moment with my beloved Prince INCK

• 
  
  我认识你那一天，我十三岁，你十四岁，因为你年头出世我年尾出世。
• 
  
  你说你二月二十九日出世，我居然很白痴地走回班拿日历找二月二十九日要记录你的生日。
• 
  
  第一次告白，你回答我说天要下雨了，那时明明就天气晴朗！
• 
  
  我问你：＂受不受泡？＂你却：＂手铐？！＂
• 
  
  你送的十四岁生日礼物（糖果）我一直不舍得吃，结果被弟弟们吃完了。
• 
  
  你说你不会广东话，结果第一次去你家却发现你跟弟弟们都说广东话...
• 
  
  中学时候我很粗鲁，很TB。你虽然整天摆着一本正经的样子，实际上很捣蛋，很喜欢欺负矮过你的人，无端端跑来惹我敲我的头，结果给我打到半死。
• 
  
  你习惯八字脚走路，跟我一起后连走路都要重新学习。
• 
  
  第一次约会，你把车泊到跟旁边的车贴在一起，结果我下不了车。
• 
  
  你学人家告白，表情跟说出来的话完全不协调，讲出来像讲笑话多过告白。笑到我肚子痛！
• 
  
  我常常偷拍你，因为我想捕抓我们在一起的每一分一秒，生怕不小心把任何一刻丢了。
• 
  
  你生病的时候很无赖！不喜欢吃药，喜欢吃冰块！病重时候不吃饭就吃药，结果吃了药头昏就说医生不懂开了什么药给你，吃了更不舒服。喜欢偷懒不吃药，我得每四个小时就吵你起来吃药，不然你就偷懒。
• 
  
  我说过一次我喜欢吃上海月饼，记性不太好的你却记着了，还买了一盒不同牌子的上海月饼给我做惊喜。我光看到那个月饼盒就感动到要哭了。

老公仔，我真的不知道应该如何让你觉得我真的真的很爱你。可能我还做得不够，可是我会尽力做更多的。我爱你！

Liberated!!

"We'll sing Hallelujah~~ We'll sing Hallelujah~~~" Change by Taylor Swift keep repeating in my mind. Hooray! Finally I am released from the hell of study- Exam! I believe no one love exam, although it doesn't seems a problem to me while I was in primary school. I don't believe in burning last minutes oil at that moment, however after more and more academic and non-academic related activities started to move into my life, I changed my habit on doing revision early to do revision last minutes.

After stepping out from the exam hall, I am starting to worried about my result. How pity but that's student's life, no one can control over it or solve it. I didn't really did great in most of my papers (beside Moral dan Etika), althought I could write alot in most of the exam yet I am not confident with my answers and I started to recall back alot of important points that I didn't wrote on the answer scripts.

Multinational Finance, that should be the best paper I could do but it's the worst now. I am over confident on the future hedge and market hedge part yet all gone wrong. Actually the main reason behind is I didn't read the question properly, I only highlighted the figures things and ignore all other things. Whole question gone wrong, 20 marks bye bye~

Commercial Bank Management, that's my killing point. I thought I paid enough attention in the lecture classes so I skipped the theory parts and focused my study on calculations (Oftenly I have no problem in blowing and bullshitting in the theory parts and my killing point is on calculations). Who knows, I forgot the formulaes and I can't write a single word in the theory parts. Gosh! I was damn panic that time and I know I am definately going to fail it. I did an estimation on my marks and sum it up, no way for me to past it, the most I could get is 40+, not even 50 yet. Until last 10 minutes only I realise actually I could do well in the question I skipped (Section B question- 4 question choose 3 out of it). Thus, I am forced to do the question I know within 10 minutes. Surely, I won't have enough time to finish the question which need half an hour to write within the 10 minutes and the worst part is I forgot to cancel out the worst question I did in previous! So, in the end in my answer scripts consisted of 5 questions' answer but most of it are blank pages. I hope the examiner won't fail me by ignoring my last question's answer... I believe I could at least gain some marks there.

Anyway, exam is over means OVER. Useless to regret on anything. Just pray hard that I can at least past all. But don't know why something inside me makes me feel happier to fail my MF as well CBM, at least I can have another chance to do it better and I believe I can do it much better if I can have another chance... although it's resit.

Liberate= I am FREE FROM EXAM!!! Hooray! Let's cheer!

Experience

Experience is your asset, it's intangible and non-transmitable, no one will ever understand your experience no matter how you trying to share as it is deeply within you and it's personally.

Experience is Bitter and hurting, no one will like to look back or be able to look back your wounds.

Experience is sweet as it makes you grow. It built your personal and characteristic as you grow up.

Experience is unforgetable and undeniable. No one can erase your history as it is part of your life.

Keep your experience in your mind but not in heart. It's unfair to make your love to share your heart with the one hurt you. Heart is the special place just for the one love you and the one worth to have your love.