其实听到Ivan的事情我还是挺难过的，但同时也感觉释然了。不是说耿耿于怀些什么，但毕竟曾经很认真的去爱过，谁又真的能做到一点也波澜不惊呢？释然是因为转眼发现已经11年了，曾经的那么崇拜到爱无力，花了好长时间陷入自我怀疑跟自我批评的困境里，都过去了。 不过，对于他的事情，我跟敏伊的看法很不一样，我会怂恿他追回来，既然喜欢，既然放不下就去争取回来，人生本来就没有take 2，哪怕全世界都否定她，撞到头破血流也是自己的选择，别去抱怨别去哭嘤嘤，毕竟已经是32岁人了，不要跟个还在吃奶的小孩儿似的。而且，认真的不希望因为他还没走出来而导致又出现一个我这样“不是真的很喜欢，后来有点烦”的人物，别出来祸害人世间了。 站在丽欣的角度其实也能明白，或者她不是不爱了，只是没那么崇拜了，或者崇拜的换人了。毕竟，Ivan是那种比较“在空中飘”的人物，比较适合年轻的时候喜欢，真的要过日子的话，想要让他担起生活的话，似乎还欠点火候。作为女性，能明白的。 我释然了，真的。ps.Ivan，对不起，谢谢你

而立加二，一不小心我已经离开马来10年了。一大清早球球就蹦跶着要我起来陪他玩，他每到周末睡醒见到妈妈都格外开心，早上老杨弄了个蛋炒饭吃完我们就开始收拾出发了。今天我跟敏伊在上海聚上了。看她现在幸福满溢的样子，真觉得高兴。都是好女孩，就一定要圆圆满满的幸福下去。说到了怀孕各种事儿，就想起当时自己挺着个球还风风火火的样子，想想也后怕。说了一下，怀孕别较真，别心急，小孩脾气会不好的等等。提到了Ivan被分手了，还挺难过的，我听了也觉得难过，就是作为朋友那种难过。希望他早日康复。 晚上到酒店Cary给我打了个电话，祝我生日快乐等，还说了一下他在澳大利亚的房子的事儿，最终选了我大力夸赞那间。我有时候知道他的意思，但我太知道我自己了哪怕没有杨启，我也看不上比我大十岁的Cary了。可能他在30几的时候我能看上吧，现在是看不上了。以后，少联系吧。 最后我给杨启打了个电话，认真给他炫耀了一番敏伊给我买的礼物，顺带吐槽他这没心没肺的家伙。虽然给钱很好，但用心更好啊！

Be reminded of days I had with some friends I hardly meets or spoken to, feel gratitude and appreciate to have you in my time. I am not some easy person, isn't easy to stay with or to make friends with. Yet, you still see me out of these bad habits... and you stay. Thanks.

Had been missing for a while since my last post in Jan, hardly turn on social medias since then as I was preparing for examination. Had been wondering around recent years and figuring out my paths. Know what’s? Some people tend to wondering around most of the time, it’s human traits. Nothing important here, just another pop ups in the late night. Goodnight world.

20210125

 经历了一个惊心动魄的周末。具体原因不多说。

我跟氧气哥哥好久没俩人出去撑桌脚了，就打算美美的出去吃个brunch，然鹅事情却不如人意。抵达第一家店的时候那家店在装修，没办法我们就接着走20分钟路途到第二家店，结果氧气哥最爱吃的德国猪肘没了，听完氧气哥哥就像泄了气的皮球一下就没有食欲想回家了，心不在焉的随便点完后氧气哥哥便借故说出去买包烟了。我想了想就跟服务员说我们不吃了，取消吧。拉着氧气哥哥就再换一家店吃。

说实话，当下我觉得自己有点任性，但作为个30几的人，不快乐的话这钱便花得不值当。望着陪我一起继续暴走的氧气哥哥，我好像看到了陈晨的影子，同时看到了Ivan的影子，也看到了我自己的影子。这可能就是相濡以沫，终究会变成一个人的。

 从此 他爱上的人都长得像你

Ivan keeps appearing in my dream these couple days. In the dreams, there is a new complex near by KLTS, Tracy was having lunch with a guy, I wanted to go and say hi with her and I was astonished finding that the guy she was eating with was Ivan. I went to another dessert shop call Missi or Mixi, it was selling something like kakikori. I ordered one and soon later my mom, kelvin and cass walked in. Ivan came to us as he saw my mom, and asks me when would I finish the meeting, he is going to send me back home then he walks out of the kakikori shop, out of the complex. I went to him and ask him what is all this about? Aren’t we broke up for long time? He lighted up his cigarette and start smoking, shaking his head. I was so afraid. And I woke up.

I would call it a nightmare; at least it was something I afraid in. After I woke up, I started to recall did we say break up in a proper way, did i or did he said break up or something similar with that? And I started to count how many years had we broken up. Wow, 10 years passed by.

I am now a married woman with a boy, unlike when Ivan and I first met each other in the school time or even when we felt in love with each other. I always feel thankful about my hubby and my child; it was a big grace to have this lovely and caring man walking into my life. He enlightens my life in this corrupted generation.

I always wish for the best for you Ivan, hope you’re the same although we aren’t friend anymore. Sometimes I do wish we would meet one day later, but today, I don’t wish to see you nor hear anything about you. God bless.